Are you a victim of SMAZ this year? That is the Stingy Men’s Association of Zimbabwe or whatever division that is in your area. Are you posting statuses on WhatsApp of using bug spray against hearts because no one treated you this Valentine’s?
That’s one of the major drawbacks of living within these times. Even though it seems like we’re more open and honest about our lives and emotions, it’s not really the case. Let’s be honest, you really wished someone had done something special for you.
And the feeling isn’t helped by the fact that you see many of your friends posting up what they received for Valentine’s or posting “Bae” pics, and you can’t help but wonder why you’re not worthy.
Many people have posted about why Valentine’s is an unnecessary event. And we see those posts year after year… after year. But the reality is that Valentine’s reveals something that we don’t acknowledge the other 364 days of the year, and that’s how lonely we truly are and in need of companionship.
Psychologist Meg Jay in her book “The Defining Decade” expressed her concern about this generation’s emerging adults act like relationships aren’t a big part of maturing but in reality, are needed in order to fully grow into fully adapted adults. We end up in unfulfilling relationships that don’t fulfil our needs or no relationships at all where we delude ourselves, not thinking that we’re okay with it but then burden our friends and families with needs that a romantic partner should be fulfilling.
Possibly you’re upset because you have a special someone who did nothing for you this year and you’re re-evaluating what that means for your relationship. Can you really be happy with someone that can’t fulfil your romantic needs?
And for those who had no special someone…perhaps that feeling you’re having means you need to be serious about finding someone that fulfils your needs and whose needs you fulfil.
Relationships in your twenties are usually meant to lead to marriage, so whoever you date may be the person you spend the rest of your life with. If they’re stingy now, it’s not because they’re broke, but because they don’t want to put in the effort. Are you okay having that empty feeling you’re currently experiencing whenever you see another woman’s husband treat her well?
And for those who are single, can we drop the “single and happy” rhetoric that is being shoved down our throats and acknowledge that yes, you want a partner and you don’t need to be ashamed of. You’re not desperate for wanting someone, you just acknowledge a natural human need. And you know what you want in a partner, so make sure you screen potentials well.
The depression you’re feeling is not because of stingy men but because you’re denying yourself what you really want in life, a partner that genuinely cares and looks after your best interests.