It’s a glorious and ceremonious occasion as the congregation diligently carries out their normal duties of song and worship in the house of the Lord, for he so loved the world he gave us his only begotten son to die for our sins.
The women are scattered thickly throughout the holy grounds like the sown seeds by the farmer, presenting an apparent visual representation of some falling on fertile soil and sprouting produce whilst the others, well, the others decide to challenge the status quo and see if they yield any offspring in arid desert like conditions known as the slab.
Of course we all know how that goes, its all surface and no depth, just a Brazilian wig with no scalp. Special mention to the seeds that fell on thorny patches, for they endured the harshness of the imposed unattainable Western beauty standards by the means of bleaching creams which now chokes them in their sleep, they even have the scars around their neck and hands to show for it if you don’t believe me.
An array of a field! And the men are nowhere to be seen because it is a wifely duty and responsibility to make sure the family is in good books with the big guy upstairs and any atonement that needs to happen, well, like a book keeper handling the books and managing debt, she’ll somehow find a way to fulfil that wifely duty as well on behalf of her lackadaisical, languid but loving husband. Where there’s a will there’s a way, water was once turned into wine, its clearly a world of endless possibilities.
But this wasn’t just any ordinary church day, this was the day something very novel happened. A marriage proposal in the church! But it wasn’t just an ordinary marriage proposal, it was a Denilson Musekiwa marriage proposal! The saxophone man in the holy building of Christ blasting tunes of non worship, but because he’s basically casting a mating call, all the ladies momentarily put their ideological differences aside regarding the whole ordeal, its Denilson goddamnit!
Suddenly blasphemy becomes a biblical and fictional concept as all kinds of reactions through squeals and screams are elicited, the only thing missing from this scene is a classic act of exhibitionism (titties flashing) like we’re at boy band concert or Mardi gras as all the women swoon, secretly imagining themselves in this lady’s shoes.
Just when it couldn’t get any better than eye glazing at the dreadlocked saxophonist, the once most sought after eligible bachelor who’s about to step into groomhood walks through the aisle of people holding up their phones swarming around the sax man, pun intended, as if we all don’t see him on the screens of our phones like every damn day. All the ladies from all parts of the field despite their differences coalesce in the idea of parting and making way for him so he can glide like the smooth criminal he is.
It was quite a wow, Moses parting the Red sea to create a path, type of wow. At this point, all the ladies have telepathically communicated and alluded to this being ‘the moment’. Everyone and every being present in that church seemed to have already given their stamp of approval on this, despite how blasphemous other groups may strongly feel it was, as Denilson played Ginuwine’s Pony. It really was a perfect oxymoronic moment that was co-signed by the angels themselves.
He goes down on one knee, and says the magic four words. Most people in the audience have already visually fast forwarded to the wedding décor colours as the stunning committed wedding planners committee members they were, and everyone experiences a break in their fantasy when the unfathomable happens.
Woman says “No” to handsome pfacha’s avant garde marriage proposal, she didn’t just say no but she darn near screamed it out like a possessed siren, how dare she not whisper her rejection to this handsome, fine man. The sentiments varied across a whole range and array of feelings, some girlies couldn’t believe that they still stood a chance to shoot that hot shot of a man, whilst others merely couldn’t believe their husband wasn’t there so they could chide him and make him feel bad for not having done this for them.
There was also the group of saints who couldn’t believe they wasted a pass on an undevoted harlot of a woman who’s evidently undeserving of marriage, utterly disgusted they were, how would they possibly explain this to the angels, good thing ‘Papa’ (the ‘personification’ of the most high) wasn’t there, whew, maybe God missed this episode.
Before the woman who rejected a marriage proposal got banished from society like they used to do to the subjects of witchcraft accusations in Nollywood blockbusters also affectionately known as African movies, she allegedly lost her mind and decided to put some strong feelings and thoughts she had on paper, from the mind that she had supposedly lost, interesting irony. The points were so headstrong and passionate in their indignation its almost hard to believe she “lost her mind” when she was pulling out all these unprecedented gems from it, but perhaps she recovered it at the lost and found corner.
This is how her thoughts read…well only a few jumble up bits where discovered as the rest of it was tore up by the congregation in condemnation to halt the spread of evil that had clearly descended and taken firm hold on this young woman. The pieces that were recovered read as follows:
Dear diary – A life that is continuously made and designed to be subservient is no life at all. I’m abhorrent of the fact that it’s a culture that feels suffocating and oppressive and yet it’s not only enforced by male counterparts but even as women we seem to have it out for each other.
It boils down to dressings. Because men wear pants they’re allowed to exhibit their overt sexual nature whilst the rest of us in skirts and kilts adjust our way of being simply to accommodate them. I as an African woman am frowned and looked down upon the moment i remotely appear to be in touch with my sexuality. I’m dictated to on the appropriate way to dress so as to subvert the male gaze. This stretches from girlhood to womanhood and into motherhood.
Every phase of my lives is pre ordained designed to be subservient to some figure or the other. I can’t even resign myself to enjoy “freedom” before adulthood starts banging down my door, because i have to present myself in a way that attracts the right partner for marriage. And once i’m married and with child, I have to lose myself into motherhood and act accordingly “as a mother should”, it’s downright my duty to be selfless which i suppose is why they never want to allow us the chance to fully develop the self aspect.
Diary, the process of coming off age and self discovery is not a pretty one, it doesn’t need to be made harder by having all these stipulations on you of what you must and must not do because it has a bearing on your future.
And what’s extremely sad about the situation is, it’s so monolithic to a point that, the mere thought or imagination of a world contrary to this where women’s lives aren’t governed by their elders, men or culture makes a lot of people uncomfortable, women included, breeding some sort of Stockholm syndrome where the victim develops some form of emotional attachment to their oppressor.
One might argue that our lives are governed because we’re exclusively the most vulnerable species on this earth apart from children, hence we need that governance for protection. But perhaps the real question is, who do we need protection from, because it certainly isn’t protection from other women. If men did not exist, who would women need protection from?
The reason why women appear to be super scornful and unkind when a man is not able to perform his duties as a provider nowadays is because we’re largely aware of the fact that if the tables were turned and say I was to be barren sexually inept, the consequences of that would be grave and unkind.
They would also be so loudly justified by the perpetrator to a point that society will shift the focus from the wrongdoing to the underlying cause which is ultimately out of your control and often times situational.
A man will leave a marriage that doesn’t bear him children because he doesnt want to give that up but women are expected to stay in loveless marriages with a cheating spouse or partnerships where the man is failing to fulfil what is his ultimate duty of being the provider. In our culture they even have a saying that goes “murume haarambirwe kuhura” translated infidelity is not a reason for divorcing your husband.
A scorpion is allowed to maintain its nature and the rest of the world has to adapt to that, but women who are emotional by nature have to guard their emotions because men will never adjust to accommodate them. Women need to adjust to men being sexual creature and just throw consequences and repercussions out the window. It just seems like a whole lot of adjusting and compromise that needs to be done by us
Safe to stay, ‘Papa’ missed this episode again. Whew. And all the ladies in the church couldn’t help but hope, that God did not bear witness to this atrocity of an embarrassment and tried their best to keep this hot take on the hush even through the grapevines.
However, as this infamous notorious diary page informally circulated and despite all the logic and unprecedented perspective that’s assertively articulated from her female “little” brain, the basses and surprisingly soprano toned voices still echoed, erred and asked “saka ndizvo zvaakarambira murume izvozvo!”
