I’m not married, and I have no conceivable prospects of doing so at least in the couple years to come. I have my reasons. Amazingly, as fearfully curious I’m of getting into that institution without the kosher emotional and mental insurance needed to handle it, I have systematically opened myself to reading several literary works or self-help books that seek to explore and dissect what really happens in the Vegas that is marriage.
One work I read and immensely fell in love with was “The Smart Divorce Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counsellors, and Other Experts” written by Divorce Consultant and Coach, Deborah Moskovitch. Practical, savvy, and wide-ranging, this book enlightens spouses how to avoid the pitfalls that turn a straightforward divorce into a nightmare. Drawing on her own personal experience as she went through her own seven-year struggle, Deborah brings together advice from a wide range of experts that include divorce attorneys, mental health professionals and financial gurus. Further tips explain how to manage the paperwork, ways to lower legal costs, and practical advice for getting back to “normal” once after divorce. This reassuring guide also explains the stages of divorce grief and how to separate the emotional divorce from the legal divorce.
It’s an essentially helpful book, and a clear step-by-step process to boost self-confidence and sharpen judgment while going through the lows of a deceased affection. It is so good that if someone today is going to bang my door so loudly that they rudely woke me up from a peaceful slumber where I will be dreaming of eating sushi and drinking the Yuengling and Hershey draft-only chocolate beer while civilizedly jettisoning serene cocktail jazz and ask me to recommend this guide to any couple whose lives depends on it, I’ll scream, Tytan and Olinda!
In a space of less than two years, this former celebrity couple has proved to us how extremely rococo marriage can get at the same time showing us how nightmarish it can evolve. They got married and wed in the winter of 2018 and moved to the UK together. As fate would have it, they welcomed their baby girl Nandi Amari Tadiwa amid their marital bliss. Tytan appeared to be the happiest father in the world, and Olinda was the happiest mother, having survived three broken marriages before the “Ndichakubata Bhoo” singer came into her life.
Sadly, their bliss was short-lived as in August 2019, Tytan took to social media to disclose that he was stepping away from his baby momma amid reports of irreparable differences. He said he has had enough abuse at the grips of Olinda and revealed that he had approached the police and was engaging in the legal route to end their union. Olinda, on the other hand, also took to social media to comment on their matrimonial disputes, claiming that her spouse was the abuser and deposed that he had an affair with her friend behind her back.
Last month, it was reported that Olinda approached the High Court seeking an order for a decree of divorce with her Tytan, arguing that their union was just a marriage of convenience. She said when he first proposed to her in the wake of her acrimonious split with Stunner, she was not aware that he simply wanted marriage in order for him to use it as a conduit to acquire immigration papers to enable him to reside in the UK.
In a rebuttal application, Tytan also went to file for divorce at the High Court in Harare early this month.
I didn’t know/But I told you tho’?
And when we thought that was it and that the courts would amicably resolve their split off-air, it has dawn before us that none of them can ever get enough of the limelight and they are back again in our tabloids outlets with some new, nasty shenanigans.
On Wednesday, Tytan gave lawyer Rumbidzayi Bvunzawabaya a long-ass, tell-all interview on her Rumbidzai Show broadcasted on YouTube. In his appearance, he accused Olinda of trying to infect him with HIV/AIDS and reiterated that he suffered at her hands. He narrated how he had to seek refuge at a friend’s house after he had been locked out of their home. He said when he first made a police report; the police told him to press charges against Olinda, but he discounted that option because he thought her strange behaviour was some pregnant woman antics, only to realise that would soon define their everyday relationship.
“I was kicked out of the house eight times for different reasons, and I got to know that it was not because of the pregnancy because even before she was, I could get those episodes,” he said.
He said she told him that she wanted him out of the United Kingdom and back in Zimbabwe.
Tired of keeping up with the abuses, he said he wanted to call it quits with the celebrity and businesswoman in September 2017, but they agreed to reconcile with the understanding that Olinda would have “to deal with her anger”.
Tytan also said he suspected Olinda was trying to infect him with HIV. He said he went through her personal medical records when she was pregnant.
“In the process of waiting for the baby to come, we would get particular medication and I decided to look it up. The only reason I decided to look it up is because every time we would argue she would say I went through her blue folder(medical record). I decided to go through the blue folder, and I saw some scary details and I thought I shouldn’t assume maybe it was just a precautionary measure as this is the UK… the way they love kids, it’s just a precautionary measure,” said Tytan.
He said one day he resolved to ask her and when Olinda did not yield in, he stormed out of the house. Olinda called him back after he left and she confirmed his suspicions.
“As soon as I left the house, I got a call, and she was crying on the other end of the line. It was really shocking for me as it was confirmation of what I suspected… She said she didn’t want to tell me because she wanted me to live a normal life,” a teary Tytan told Rumbidzayi.
He claims he went on a four -months post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) course, and he was “OK”.
As has become a sequence in their communications now — like his word against hers — Olinda has since responded to the allegations, saying Tytan was very much in the know of her HIV status before they got married as he always took her to hospital and made sure she took her medicine when they were married.
“I am HIV [sic],” she said.
“Tytan would go and collect medication for me…Tytan was very much aware before he had boarded the plane from Zimbabwe and I made sure that I recorded that conversation with him because I knew that this would happen, I made sure myself that he knew,”
Olinda told Aunty Jenny’s Lounge in a Facebook telephone interview.
She said she had receipts that could prove that Tytan knew of her HIV status, but would not produce it because she doesn’t want a particular part of her private life being put “out there”. She also added that she was shocked that Tytan revealed sensitive information about her life, and that she would take legal action against both Tytan and Rumbidzayi.
The while, social media community has not been kind to Tytan after his Rumbidzai Show appearance. Zimbabweans feel that he went an extra mile in trying to get back at his estranged wife by disclosing her health status.
I want to believe that Tytan ain’t the first and won’t be the last to prioritise relevancy over integrity, but in our small Zimbabwean celebrity landscape, he could be just the one to take it the farthermost. Unless you belong to an arbitrarily specific religion that prays exclusively to celebrities, we can concur that none of them are gods, which means that none is infallible. And if, for instance, you allowed one of them to borrow your last RTGS$50 and they refuse to pay you back, “To hell to whoever they’re” would be a reasonable response to such.
However, what is unreasonable or what’s past unreasonable, actually is to go on record and say that the mother of your child is seropositive, without thinking about the consequences that come with it, the stigmatisation, discrimination and how that can be used against her by the world.
To say it’s shocking is an understatement
Tytan has been fortunate enough to shift into the current phase of his career where he retains status as a “cool guy”. We love the guy as he’s used his tremendous platform to be a vocal critic of abuses against women and preach love through his music and organising speed-dating events in Harare for singleass folks like myself.
The world was very sympathetic enough to him when he spoke out about being abused and overpowered by Olinda. To be clear, I’m not advocating for silencing folks especially not victims of domestic abuse. As a community, we have to stop the cycle of normalisation and tolerance of abuse that happens to men and acknowledge that men too are at risk because of the pressures and gender stereotypes we force on them. Recent reports, particularly in the UK where Tytan and Olinda resides, have claimed that about two in five of all victims of domestic violence are men, contradicting the widespread impression that it is almost always women who are left battered and bruised. Men assaulted by their partners are often ignored by police, see their attacker go free and have far fewer refuges to flee to than women. So, to see a guy of his stature coming out and speaking openly that his wife was abusive could be inspiring to other men in similar situations.
But pulling the health card, really?
What I, however, did not condone in that interview was the HIV positive revelation. Of all the debris he could possibly throw to give an overwhelming conversation he chose that?
After that part, all my sensibilia was shifted from watching a solemn conversation by a victimised young man of my age hurting; pouring his grief out on camera to seeing a performance. I begin seeing an expert performer who (justly) assumed his grief that would seem righteous if directed at a deserving plight. Everything about it, from the positioning of the camera, the Bible to the tears and taking a short break turned out to be stagecraft to me. I saw a brotherman weaponising emotional intelligence, and having a lawyer in the room enabled him to choose the right targets. And of course, he knew there was a virtual army of people ready to ride with him, given Olinda’s marriage trail and her boorish online conduct.
What I got from that video was an inconsiderate man who doesn’t flinch to throw women (Olinda, Nandi Amari) under the bus or hurt their feelings when push comes to shove or even if it comes with a good relevance score. I highly doubt that for once, he thought about the stigmatisation and discrimination that his family will have to face knowing that one person they loved the most disclosed to the whole world that Olinda is infected.
Since they say what’s done in the dark will always find a way to shine; I’m just thinking about what’s done in the public…how much more impact does it have?
Two sides to every story right?
But hey guys, remember we are dealing with a he said/she said situation here. We might as well take Tytan for his word. He could be earnest about all the things he said about Olinda and that could be legit eating him alive. We sympathise him for his situation and we would like to explore the why part of this fiasco. Like it is some daylight witchcraft of sorts to marry someone and they just don’t tell you their health status. I thought that what the New Start Centres were built for. I guess we might seriously consider making use of those establishments for our own good.
Whether you were diagnosed with HIV during a relationship, or you knew you were HIV positive when the relationship started, it’s important for your partner to know their status too. If you have a detectable viral load, have unprotected sex and don’t tell your partner, they may be angry that they weren’t told sooner. If you don’t tell your partner about your status and they subsequently contract HIV as a result of having unprotected sex with you, you could be prosecuted.
Oh! Now I get why Olinda in her response to Tytan’s allegations says he must sue her if he is dead serious that she did not disclose her status to him when they got into their relationship.
While a further probe is required to determine how the two got to the rift they’re now, Tytan would be taking the hit for the ways he chose to convey a classified marital 411 that he was entrusted with.
Can he recover from this? I’m not sure. The level of ashiness he exuded in that interview requires so much holy water and moisturising agents far more powerful than mere shea butter. In the meantime, I’d avoid any close contact with him. That level of ash is extremely contagious, and I wouldn’t want any of you to catch a stray.