Hilarious & Questionable Pentecostal–Apostolic Church Names that will Make You Wonder
What is in a name? A whole lot, especially when it comes to naming a new church in the Pentecostal–Apostolic stream.
Legendary English writer of all time William Shakespeare once grilled:
“What’s in a name? A rose is a rose by any other name.”
Today this aphorism has either lost or find its true meaning in the religious community as a new batch of charismatic and Pentecostal church leaders are giving their born out of the bloom churches strange and very hilarious names that will instantly make observers question their fundamentals.
There are plenty of reasons why people are choosing to embrace these eyebrows-raising names rather than rebuff the stares they receive. It could be that one might want to give his/her denomination a name that stands out since we now have multifarious churches; it could be barefaced blind fanatism or jejune benightedness. Or, one would just be trying to be killingly funny as they say laughter is good medicine. Possibly, one of these four can’t be far away from certainty.
Although many would argue that the name of a church does not matter, it is level-headedness that the name of a church has a whole lot to do with who it attracts. The stranger the name, the more eyes it draws, and the more people that visit it out of curiosity. So, apparently, names have become the new bait for believers, write what people want to hear and they will come running.
But look, it appears that in a bid to tame believers many Christian leaders are departing from the principles and practices of the early Church as found in the Scriptures. This is now the leeway that’s giving them unlimited freedom to do venture into whatever errors and craziness they want.
Reckon, the apostles and ministers of the early Church had a simple way of naming churches based on its geographical locations, and all the churches we read of in the Scriptures followed that rule. We have the church of Galatians, the church of Ephesus, the church of the Laodiceans, the church of the Thessalonians, and so on; but we never read any such thing as That New Church, or Run For Your Life Ministry, or God’s Phone Number International Church, as we have today.
Exceptionally, some strange names today are courtesy of the church’s location, for others, they stem from the church’s affiliation. And for the rest, the names are just too strange to reason with, like what were people thinking with some of these church names below?!
Jesus Elections Ministries
Hephzibah Fire Baptized Holiness Pentecostal Church of the First Born
Hell Hole Swamp Baptist Church
South Carolina
Boring Seventh Day Adventist Church
This is another one of those “truth in advertising” names, but this church goes the extra mile because the name of their pastor is Elder Dull. Perhaps there are more exciting ways to spend your Saturday?
Hell For Certain (Church)
This is in Kentucky. What does their ad look like? Go to Hell For Certain, Sunday at 10 AM? They probably don’t have a great number of visitors.
Faith Free Lutheran Church
Is that like “sugar-free” or “fat-free”? So would this be a church that has no calories or convictions or moving of God?
Cash Church of God
Founder’s name is Cash.
Scum Of The Earth Church
That New Church
Couldn’t they come up with anything a little creative?
Big Ugly Free Will Baptist Church
Named for “Big Ugly” an area in Lincoln County, WV. A visiting evangelist once replied on the first night of a revival how thrilled he was to be with “you Big Ugly people” for the coming week.
Halfway Baptist Church
What? People saved there are only halfway saved?
Little Hope Baptist Church
Not very encouraging, but, it sounds better than No Hope United Methodist Church.
Country Club Christian Church
It’s good that they are upfront about that, but, though this seems to be a modern church growth technique churches are not supposed to be country clubs!
Accident Baptist Church
This is obviously not Calvinist.
First Church of the Last Chance World on Fire Revival and Military Academy
These folks have the first and last word on just about any subject.
James Bond United Community Church
Toronto
First United Separated Baptist Church
This church needs to decide which it is, united or separated?
The Devil’s Hunter Ministries
They are in the business of hunting out devils and evil spirits.
Oh God, Na Like This We Go Dey?
This is a Nigerian pidgin English language which means “Oh God, are we to remain in this condition?”
Elshaddai Shall Not Die Ministries
For the fact he knows the Hebrew word “Elshaddai” and how to spell it simply tell us that he knew consciously what he wrote down as the name of his church.
Jesus Owed Ministry
Laboratory Church Of God
Mountain Of Swallowing Problems Interdenominational Prayer Ministry
Occupy Till I Come Deliverance Ministry
One Flesh Ministry
Run For Your Life International Chapel
Who Are You To Jesus Ministries
What is your opinion on these or any other church names you’ve heard of?
