You know what the worst part of your depression is. Yes sure the being depressed part obviously sucks?
I mean who wants to be trapped in a mind raging with all sorts of morbid thoughts? Who wants to wake
up day after day just feeling like the energy has been zapped out of them and going through life in a
somewhat comatose state? Not being able to understand why your body and mind won’t cooperate and
why you can’t think happy thoughts. Deciding every day that yes I’m going to be positive but still feeling
like shit anyways. I mean have you ever just felt exhausted from the process of living? Like when the
fuck will this show end?
Yep, that’s depression.
But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is knowing that you’re irritating and making everyone else
uncomfortable. Sure the first few days everyone is sympathetic and they give you all the awwwwws
and the I’m here for you, bullshit. The worst part is knowing they don’t mean it. Because everyone’s
sympathy has an expiration date. At some point people will start to think can’t he just get over himself,
he’s not the only with problems.
And it’s not their fault.
Everyone has problems and human affection is not infinite. Your loving boyfriend may love you but
sometimes when he sees you in your sorry state, he gets annoyed, because that’s every other week. And at some point, he’ll wonder what he’s doing wrong because unfortunately he just doesn’t quite get that’s about more than him. And you’re forced to pretend you’re fine because you don’t want to be the guy
or the girl who’s always sad and morbid (kabhebhi kema moods). Some might say
“If he or she really loves you they should always support you”.
Shut up. Like seriously. That shit isn’t easy even with love involved. I’ve lived with a very ill person and as
much as you might love that person, you still sort of grow weary and resent them for their illness. It is
not easy at all.
And you know that, so…..
…. you’re up at midnight unable to sleep, contemplating on whether you should just be an alcoholic
after-all.
Everyone wants you to go back to being normal; because they don’t know how to help you. In fact, they
need you to. They think depression is like a cold. Hachoo! And it’s gone. And maybe it is a cold because
guess what? It keeps coming back!
Anyways you’re still up at midnight writing this because even you’re over your own depression. And
you’re like b*ch! Get over your depression!!!
