Dear SJ
I’m a final year college student and I am flirting with 15 girls on my phone. I really want to focus on my schoolwork and leave this crazy life behind. I’m really struggling and I just can’t seem to quit girls. I want to start the New Year clean and find a stable girl. These girls come to me and I just can’t resist. Help me please, show me the way. I won’t lie to you it’s getting out of hand and you end up feeling so lonely. How do I avoid girls? I just feel empty. The right girls I like deny me all the time. I have a side hustle which pays me well and my degree will take me higher but this girl’s thing is just messing me up.
– Can’t quit.
Dear ‘Can’t Quit’
This is so fucking hard. You are in a #Crisis911. If this thing is messing you up, imagine the 15 girls you are affecting right now! Selfish hey… But of course, you are The Tease. Even though you conveniently didn’t mention it, you most definitely are The Fuck too.
Find a mirror, look at the man in the mirror and say this out loud – “I AM A SEX ADDICT.”
You are a sex addict.
Too little or too much of anything is bad. You are flirting too much and you are having too much sex. It’s the joy of college I imagine because I’ve never been to college. American Pie is just a movie. Zimbabwe’s colleges are a hotbed of sexually transmitted infections and you know it. Y’all don’t even like to use condoms! Use condoms.
Look at this way: 15 girls on your phone, I’ll multiply that by 3 because you are over your head such that you are not counting properly. That makes it 45 girls that you talk to. I’ll multiply that by 4 years of college and you have 180 girls that have had an association with you. You obviously couldn’t have slept with 180. Say you have humped and dumped 30 of them… Something would have to give. If it’s not multiple children, it’s a few diseases in your system. If you were that artistic to avoid those two, then here you are most certainly depressed.
A poor mentality about sex leads people to physical problems. If are able to avoid them, you definitely take a hit emotionally. That’s the explanation towards your loneliness and emptiness. Boys think that interacting with females is just chatting or having a conversation. It’s not. A boy and a girl cannot be just friends. You are creating emotional relationships with the girls – little hooks. That’s how The Tease operates. You are creating physical relationships with the ones that you sleep with. That’s how The Fuck operates.
So you want to be The Man. Fix your mentality. One man, one vote, one woman! That is all. Getting The Fuck out of your system is going to be excruciating because yours is an emotional problem. If it was a physical problem, I would be referring you to the clinic to get a nice injection or a decent lifetime prescription of ARVs. See why emotional problems are harder? STI’s and HIV are perfectly treatable and manageable.
Most boys are unaware that statistically, 65% of the girls that you sleep with – 15-25-year old age group – are infected with HIV. You think she’s going to tell you that she’s infected right as you take her panties off?
A boy who has females throw themselves at him becomes emotionally unstable.
While it’s flattering that you are the “stud” of college it’s inauthentic that you think you can service them all whether sexually or conversationally. It’s impossible. You’re giving too much. We are talking about your soul over here. Your soul! You lonely and empty soul! You are not alone by the way. All fuck boys get tired of it at some point. Being The Fuck biologically and astrologically comes with that loneliness and emptiness. The right girls deny you because they can see through your game playboy.
Anyway, please see a family therapist for counseling. Boys don’t become The Man without counseling. The male body just doesn’t work like that. Clinics also have youth friendly staff who you can talk to countrywide.
Sexuality is a function of your body that should learn to control.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
