Dear SJ
I never thought I would write an agony column for advice. I’m even embarrassed to ask but here goes. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and the sex is bad and far in-between. He’s a sweet guy but I just need some dynamic in-between the sheets. I’ve been thinking that there would be an improvement but alas! What’s a girl to do?
– Sex-starved.
Dear ‘Sex starved’
I never thought I would be an advice columnist. Ok, maybe I did (chuckles). Don’t be embarrassed. Sex is very important. That is why Sex is number one on my list of The 4 Physical Problems every person has. Sexual compatibility is important and your star sign has some effect on it. Some star signs are prudish while others are freaky. Other lifestyle factors come into play like religious influence, upbringing and exposure.
I’ve got several pieces of bad news. (i) You are unlikely to teach your man new tricks. (ii) He’s unlikely to improve on his own. (iii) You may be about to cheat…
There is no need for you to settle. A hot stranger sooner than later will “catch” your sex-starved energy and will charm the pants out of you! Next thing you are unwittingly contributing to the world infidelity rate which I thoroughly despise. You may have to leave him. Every person has a responsibility to be good in bed.
If you do not want to leave, then communication is what’s required. Create the spice you want in bed. I know… “How the hell do you tell a man that he’s whack in bed?” It’s difficult to tell your lover that they are bad in bed. When you are in a relationship and you cannot communicate your needs to your person, it is no longer a relationship – it’s just an arrangement. And that is why you may be about to cheat on your man. Get googling on how to spice up your sex life.
Dear SJ
I’m a working single mom of one. My boyfriend doesn’t work and spends the day doing nothing. When I get home I’m tired and all he wants to do is have sex, sex and more sex. He is wearing me out shame. Could he be a sex addict? I don’t think he’s cheating or anything. He doesn’t want to get a job or do something.
– Exhausted.
Dear ‘Exhausted’
If you had doubts about him cheating, I would say he’s a sex addict. A woman knows when her man is a sex addict. Come on now, when you began with this guy, his incredible sex drive is a part of what you loved about him. Buy him a sex doll maybe? They are the new craze lately. Rather that than him cheating, no? Of course no! Women don’t work like that.
Men connect physically more than they do emotionally.
Look on the bright side. Does he not do some house chores especially like taking care of your child while you are at work? Is he a good stepdad? Who fetches the child to and from school? Does he really spend the day “doing nothing?” Nobody spends the day doing nothing! Find out what he spends the day doing. You are in a gender bender relationship. Make it work. Talk to him about his career or what he wants to do with his life.
Even where a man has less financial influence than his woman, he should lead in being The Man. If you cannot be patient, cut him loose. This is more of a relationship issue than a sex issue. The conversation here should be about where this relationship is going. Help him set the tone. I know not of any man who has ever set the tone in any good relationship without his woman helping him do so.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
