Submitted anonymously under the pseudonym Peaches.
“I am bigger than what you see. Don’t let my filthy innocence amuse you into too much comfort.”
“I’m sorry?? Like really dude. Have you any idea how long I’ve waited for this?? No. You’re not sorry. But you will be,” I said. He laughed, he thought this was funny. The sexual frustration a.k.a the purple monster was really taking control of me and as a result I was not swimming in his pool of amusement. My disappointment was like when a cartoon walks off a cliff, looks down and realises ‘’oh crap’’ and then poof! Gone.
Swerve. It was sad.
I was not about to let him mess with my misguided emotions that seemed to have unbridled affection for his external, should-have-been-vertical-minutes-ago male appendage. Just so you know, I love my men big tall and dark. That dark and lovely. Like that huge bar of dark chocolate that’s so bitter and yet twice as sweet it sends saliva rushing to your mouth out of the orgasmic sensation of the taste. That’s what he did to me. He made my juices flow. His was my dark bar of Toblerone, with those surprisingly soft and sweet nougat pieces that leave you wanting more. Truth be told it was my first time feeling emotions this nuclear for anybody other than well, myself.
Wait. Maybe it’s my genitals speaking. I wasn’t sure anymore. I leaned over and rummaged through my bag for condoms. Yes I had made a contingency plan in case this fool tried to play me. And Yes I know it’s ”not cute”, for a woman to walk around with condoms. But I was a damsel in distress that knew he would thank me later when in a few weeks I’m not texting him ‘I’m late’, and him suddenly becoming a sudden state of stupid asking what I was late for.
I handed him the box and with a demanding voice told him “the condom. Put it on. Now”. The look of horror on his face was priceless. “Calm down. I’m not going to rape you”. He now looked petrified. I took my glasses off and proceeded to unzip my dress, I thought it would help move things along. If impatience was a scent, I had bathed in it. He turned around and I could hear him fiddle with the wrapper. I sat on the table ready for my blessings and then there it was “babe, uhm, wait”. I could hear the voice in my head screaming now,
“what now!!!?”
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