I don’t have table manners at all. Hell I can’t even hold a fork and knife, meaning I have never sat at a proper dinner. My mom would kill me if she knew that I don’t think her dinners are not proper though. That aside, there is one certain behaviour I find unforgivable on the dinner table. There is a certain type of humans that find eating with their mouths open enjoyable. I CURSE YOU LOT! How do you load your mouth with food and decide to grind whilst showing the rest of the world what the food is turning in into. It’s not just the sight of half chewed food that pisses me of. Its more, let me explain.
That sound of the tongue slapping the food on the sides of the mouth, the hlwa hlwa hlwa makes me cringe. How the f*ck do you feel comfortable with chewing with your mouth open? Does it make you enjoy the food more. Is the food that delicious that you want to share the awesomeness with the rest of the people via visual representation of your maxilla and your mandible trying to break down your meal. One guy in my crew does this. And I would not be pissed if he did this crap whilst eating something with colour and flair.
This negro loves maputi. I dont have a problem with that. I love Maputi too, in fact I have a pack in my room. Nice munchies that, especially when I’m very hungry and the kitchen is as empty as the Parirenyatwa Hospital Dispensary. But the problem with this human is that he chews with his mouth OPEN! Now for the benefit of you uptight rich kids Maputi is popped maize and the kernels a harder to chew than popcorn, it makes sounds when you chew it with your mouth CLOSED. The sound that comes from this guys mouth is almost in the region of a small grinding mill trying to go through 10kgs of maize in one cycle.
Table manners are not a prerequisite in my circles. But I think that some people could do better. Close that mouth, we do not need to know what happens in it. I’m sure the ancients did not mean it literally when they said, “Ane mukanwa usingamhari nhunzi.”
ININI
