Sitting in my favourite corner, that I’m sure is tired of my negative energy. I begin my self-assessment sessions where I feed my ego and tell myself I’m alright by myself, all will pass in due time. But have it been working? Hell no!! It’s just one of those lies that I tell myself to sleep better at night and feel better about my miserable existence I call life. It’s what I call shifting the blame to my fucked up buddies. Yeah, they play their part but that mentality have for years transformed me into a pussy, I cannot even accept my mistakes anymore. I always blame the economy, failed relationships, my upbringing but truthfully it’s all my doing to be in such complicated situations.
Rewind, have you ever felt betrayed or fallen prey of fake ‘vultures’ people? Well, if not let me school you for a second. I still remember it vividly when I first felt the blow of fake people right in my vulnerable heart and stomach. The hit was real hard, the dizziness (lack of trust) from the blow is still haunting me. Such people who make you scared to even turn your back, cause with any chance presented to them they will stab the life out of you. Well, yeah that is one of the long list of reasons why I’m a fucked up human being.
Back to me, perhaps you already sensing the negative energy. Be careful its contagious, the anxiety and the restlessness. There is always restlessness in my empty and incomplete heart. DAMN! Man can be witches in broad daylight dressed in Santa suits. Instead of focusing on myself, they become a hunch bag that dragged me down to the gutters. Forgive me I get carried away, what where we talking about? ok, the restlessness have find comfort every morning it wakes up and it stretches long arms, like one who overslept.
How will I flee from all these spoiled apples? ? They release a stinging smell of identity crisis and incompleteness. My days are shadowed with the sense of having missed something and having wasted precious time. In my daily sessions I try to find what’s lost but the roots have run deep. It is now a journey to the unknown. Suffocated by fake people, bad relationship memories haunting me plus self-sabotaging schemes still in play.
Life has now become a race to try to make up for lost ground. I have been going strong for days, perhaps I will for the next coming months. The question is am I winning? I don’t know cause I’m still in the racing track hoping to grab self-satisfying being at the finish line. And finally I utter the words, ‘ I need to transform my life’.
Sitting in my favourite corner….
