F*ck Valentine’s! There I said it, I’m not drowning in this white men’s version of allowing capitalism to flourish. It’s just a money making scheme based on the principle of abusing love. I’m in love, but I’m not going conform to an idea of spending money on someone on a single day. If I love you every day, no particular day is special except if it’s your wedding night. Ungaphenduli Nomvula wami on the 14th!
I’m sorry to the parties involved in a couple of relationships I’m about to ruin. I’m high, meditation is on fleek today. I feel enlightened so much the Dalai Lama does not have anything on me. I have advice for my brothers out there. Please take it to heart. I know it’s the truth. Let Me Explain!
The ladies claim that they can only buy gifts for us men when it’s a leap year. Last year I did not receive anything except a lecture on how much of a terrible boyfriend I was. Talk about shifting attention from the important issues of my being pampered and showered with Bond coins to those of my drinking escapades. Why should these women only spend on us once in four years. If you date a girl from South of Samora like me you will understand the ‘once in four years’ phrase. These girls never fork out a rand to spend on you. Always complaining about how her friends get Chicken Inn kaylites everyday and I’m always saving my money for stuff that kills my lungs. Spend on me too. Every day.
The economy is not a good shape. A good and understanding girlfriend will be very excited for a $1 for two movie discs and chill by the bae’s house. This Valentine’s is all about bonding more than stuffed bears that women want to cuddle at night. I wish women could just set this day aside to hear us out for once. Ask us what we like, what are fears are and future plans. Instead of spending the day deep ion our pockets leaving my brother’s bank balances on a negative. Females!
With the age of these social media sites and all, women really just wanna show the world how much their boyfriends do for them. Instagram will be a mess tomorrow with different ladies trying to outshine each other by posting their presents. My brothers are going to be forced to buy the presents because their girlfriends want to remain relevant on their timelines, plus they will also have to buy the data that will be used to post pictures of these outrageous presents (#DataMustFall). With this increasing number of ‘Slay Queens’ online who think that Beyonce is their twin sister, I urge bros to hang on to their bond notes.
I might be kicked to the curb if my girlfriend stumbles on this. I’m sure with the lack of Wifi in most homes in our suburb and her need of WhatsApp bundles, I’m pretty safe. I will be offline tomorrow. I will barricade myself in my room and watch re-runs of Mukadota, at least Mai Rwizi understands that when money is not there, it just ain’t there!
Inini
