“No way, you can’t be, Stop lying’’, she muttered fiercely as I stared at her being the helpless guy who didn’t want to make a scene as she lashed at me with all sorts of colourful names. I don’t know what she expected me to tell her but it was evident that my answer had not pleased her at all. “Why are we even having this conversation, if you are not going to tell the truth?” she implored.
“But I’m telling you the…”, before I could finish she stood up and barked “Enough!” her voice sharp as jagged glass as she walked out.
That was my ex-girlfriend a few years ago and yet she hasn’t been the only girl I’ve had such conversations with over the past years. It was from that very moment with her I learnt my very first lesson about relationships. What I still don’t understand is how having Sex is such a big deal, especially among my fellow youths of today.
I remember seeing a newspaper cartoon that circulated some time ago, it featured a father about to give his teenage son a talk-through Sex Education. To the man’s surprise and to the obvious amusement of the readers the son’s response was, “sure, what part do you want to know daddy?’’
My name is Nashe and I am a twenty –something year old virgin. That’s right ‘Virgin’ with a capital letter ‘V’, don’t roll your eyes! I grew up like most Afrikan kids, in a house where if you wanted to pass some gas you would have to go to the bathroom and of course Sex was NEVER discussed on any occasion at all! As a matter of fact, anything Sex-related was a forbidden subject!
The only time I got to see people kissing was on ‘Days of Our Lives’ or ‘Sunset Beach.’ That was back when losing one’s virginity and marriage went hand in hand.
Fast forward 15 years later to an era where Pre-Marital and Casual Sex is a bond, many young people have already experienced Sex from very young ages of 14. Of all my years on this earth, nothing has become as controversial and scandalous around my friends (if I can call them that).
No, I am not bad looking, nor I do have anything critically, criminally, pathologically (or any ‘cally’) wrong with me!
The fact that I am yet to swipe my ‘V-card’ is a big deal to them, they often ask me, “What are you still waiting for? Is it marriage? True love?”
You see the world has painted this crazy distorted image that everyone at a certain age wants to and is having sex and when people realise that is not necessarily the case they are made to feel ashamed of their life style and choices – case in point, me.
Isn’t it absurd that we believe that as a people, we are all different, yet when it comes to Sex we expect everyone to Relate to it in same exact way?
No, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I love sex, even though I’ve never had it but wouldn’t it be great to swipe my V-card after I’ve said my ‘I Dos’? I still believe Sex and Love are related (first cousins I’ll bet) but not one and the same thing. Being a Virgin mean you’re undesirable or a Religious freak. It’s a personal decision to wait until marriage but alas it is not easy in this modern day, thanks to a ‘ménage’ of stigma and discrimination coming from the not-so-virgin folks. I have met guys who feel broken and unworthy because they have missed some sort of window when they could have lost their Virginity and for that reason they feel screwed (metaphorically speaking, that is).
Virginity has become like a curse, and Virgins continue to become the butt of jokes, pun NOT intended. So yes, when I feel like I am not ready for that “Man, what are you still waiting for!?” I just give an awkward chuckle and say “of course I have done it, who hasn’t!”.
This piece spoke to me in a lot of ways. I was said to be one of those ‘late bloomers’ and was tortured for it. It was absolutely awful. We can be so great at taking away freedoms some times.