NOW I have always, always and I mean always, hated my vagina.
I know a lot of you will be like, oh no, how dare you say that?… and all that other politically correct yappy stuff because the world is the shittiest it’s ever been. We can’t even express our own opinions without some group becoming offended, and you say these are liberal times. Yeah right!
Anyway, I have never liked my vaj guys. It’s not the prettiest thing to look at. That big (ok, not big) gaping hole, the weird folds surrounding that black hole, it might as well live up to the latter name and swallow the entire universe whole. And the smell, oh my. It just never smells right, no matter how many times I bathe. I’m not talking about being fishy or anything. If your vaj has that kind of odour, please visit a doctor. I’m talking more about that not-so-flowery scent.
So, for most of my life, I’ve done what most women do. I’ve pretended that it wasn’t even there. I’ve ignored my honeypot and just let it go on with whatever it gets up to down there. And believe me, I’ve never really wanted to know what that is.
Vagina phobia?! Probably. Most women are afraid of their pussies because somewhere deep down, we are afraid that something is wrong.
That said, I recently started watching this amazing podcast entitled On The Table. It’s basically a group of women talking about everything to do with being a woman and I must say, for the first time, I feel like I can finally address the very things I have avoided. Or is it one?
The main reason I have avoided my vagina is that I have lived fearing it. What if I am not normal? What if I have a little dick somewhere? What if I have cancer!?
The one time I did a self-exam a few months ago, I felt something I couldn’t place and so I just decided that if I never looked down there, I’d never see the problem again. Of course, that was just my cervix, but at the time, I thought it was either a dick or cancer.
By the way, if you google what is this lump I feel inside my vagina, google will give you all sorts of diagnoses. A few options, which include benign vaginal cysts, come up. I mean, how else are you supposed to know how to word it correctly?
It can be really traumatising, and you end up feeling like you’re a freak. I ended up googling what does my cervix feels like? And from there, I was able to deduce that the little protruding knobby thing up my puss was my cervix. Also, your cervix isn’t necessarily always at the end of the vagina, in most cases. It’s about three inches inside your vagina, so don’t be alarmed just yet. I still recommend seeing a professional for a routine check-up. It’s roughly about $20.00 at Population Clinic, depending, of course, on the branch you visit. They have one in Epworth, Belvedere, Mbare and Chitungwiza.
Also, a quick note about the cervix: the feeling of each one differs because every woman is unique. It’s unfortunate the world has more time and resources to create untrue statistics about starving Africans than on sexual education. As it is, there isn’t much information on vaginas and dicks. Some amazing people have taken initiative, but we have huge milestones to cover. The appearance or feel of the cervix also varies as you go through your menstrual cycle. So be sure to document this progression.
Truth be told, I’m not the only woman who’s gone through life without knowing my body. I’m not the only woman who has ignored her vagina.
We don’t have access to adequate information, and when we do get it, it’s usually toxic information. The only thing our aunties and church elders tell us to do is to pull, pull and pull to make our husbands happy.
What about the really important information? What about teaching us about our vaginas? What about encouraging us to go for checkups? I’m going for mine next week, by the way. Population Clinic is doing an amazing job for women and their services are affordable. And yes, the health workers are friendly! You can call them on their toll-free number or reach them on WhatsApp. Now that’s real NGO work.
But besides that, what role are our communities and churches playing? Is it too much to expect on my part?
Frank enough, I still don’t think my pussy is the prettiest thing, but it doesn’t have to be. If the vagina has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t have to be beautiful to start wars and reduce the most powerful men to nothing. So for that reason, I love my girl and I tell her so. I am a proud pussy owner!
