Is sex before marriage really a sin? Does that sound like a loaded question to you?
Loaded or not, this is a question that more and more young believers are asking — and in all seriousness. There seems to be a growing belief among some Christians that sex before marriage is not a sin.
They can quote to you all the biblical passages that talk about adultery and give their rationale for why they believe those passages only apply to married and divorced individuals.
They can also likely quote to you the biblical passages that talk about sexual immorality, with justification as to how sex before marriage does not fit within that context either.
They make a good case, one would say.
Well, three Christian ministers including one who identifies as homosexual and another as polyamorous, are buzzing on the inter-webs after they recently told the Huffington Post that they believe that sex before marriage is “not sinful,” and that it is rather “unreasonable,” “outdated and silly” to expect people to stay chaste until marriage.
They also approve of dating apps like Grindr and Tinder.
The publication explored questions about dating life and sexual ethics with the liberal church leaders as part of a larger series on at relationships in America “from the perspective of different ethnicities, sexual identities, life experiences and circumstances.”
One said that he doesn’t “judge” Christians who choose to engage in random hookups, even if he doesn’t do so himself.
The outlet interviewed Brandan Robertson, an open homosexual who leads Mission Gathering Christian Church in San Diego; Chalice Overy, who is an associate pastor at Pullen Memorial Baptist Church in Raleigh, North Carolina; and a man that was only identified as Michael, who says he is currently dating three women and a man, and serves as a clergyman in San Antonio, Texas.
“I think the evangelical church world that I come from has taught some really unhealthy ideas about sex and sexuality, and I spend a lot of my time trying to deconstruct ‘purity culture’ in favour of a healthier, more holistic view of sexuality,”
opined Robinson, who caused controversy in 2011 for his pro-homosexual views as a student at Moody Bible Institute, but went on to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts degree in pastoral ministry and theology.
“I believe for some people, waiting for marriage before having sex can be a very healthy path. I also believe that for most people, sex before marriage is a healthy expression of the gift of sexuality and is not ‘sinful’ or morally wrong,” he said.
Chalice Overy made similar remarks.
“I honestly think it’s unreasonable to expect people to wait until they are married to have sex if we expect people to make thoughtful decisions about who they marry,”
she said, although noting that she personally prefers a man who “wants to get to know me, not just my body.”
“But if we are willing to do the spiritual and emotional work of intimacy, should we deny ourselves the joy of physical intimacy? I don’t think so,” Overy added.
Michael, who is divorced, outlined that his church is aware of his multiple relationships, and says that he has been engaged in polyamory since his youth.
“One of the worst things the Church has done is take God and the Divine out of the bedroom and shame people for their desires and practices,” he claimed.
“I have always believed that contractual arrangements (including marriage) are not the boundary on sex—our own personal ethics are.”
“Most of the single clergy I know have sex, even when the rules of their denomination prohibit it,” Michael continued.
“It simply is an outdated and silly expectation, in my opinion. Like anything else, sex can be manipulative, unhealthy or used as a power differential. Sex, or even dating without sex with a congregant is never okay because of the power differential. Within relationships of equals or with agreed-upon boundaries, though, it is healthy and beautiful.”
The three also stated that they have no issues with dating someone who is not a Christian, and would actually prefer so. Robertson said that he emphasises the “normal-ness” of his life on dating apps, noting that he enjoys “craft beer, going clubbing [and] travelling.”
Michael outlined that he mostly dates atheists and agnostics, stating that he desires those who “at the very minimum, question the historic faith.”
The Bible teaches against—apart from prohibitions on homosexuality, such as in Romans 1:26-27—premarital sex in numerous Scriptures, and strongly warns that those who engage in unrepentant fornication will not inherit the kingdom of God.
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