Let Me Explain : When The Heart Breaks.

We usually talk about this as a passing issue with the crew. No one seems to care. Nobody wants to be associated with it and no one admits that they have gone through it and the big bad monster even the most confident humans fear, is heartbreak. Now you are probably wondering why I’m talking about an issue of love when I’m such a heartless wretch but Let Me Explain.

I may be tough outside and honestly I do not give Fs that much. My life is a boring cycle of observations of human cruelty and the demise of the earth. Deep. Yeah right. I’m trying say all these fancy things just to avoid saying that I’m heartbroken. Yes I may portray myself a tough guy but guess what, we hurt too. Yes, I ‘had’ a woman I loved until about an hour ago. Funny right? How you much you can hate a person in an hour. How much disappointment you will have, but most importantly the hate. The detest in your voice every time you say their name and the shame on their faces as they try to explain why they are causing that piercing pain in your heart. I have never been one to get hurt. As a matter of fact I have been hurt but I hadn’t felt the pain before. Now that I have, it sucks!

I was groomed to be tough by my siblings and some of my peers. But introverts are supposed to be sensitive right? I don’t like people in my space so I don’t bring them in. It’s me, myself and I, always. But there is that damsel that catches your eye and you break out of your protective shell, land on their bed of lies, buy dreams and expect the whole world. In my case it was a 5 year dream selling enterprise, until I found out that I wasn’t the only one eating from the tree.

I guess we are on the same page right? I know some of you have gone through this. 5 bloody years fam. That’s a kid who is in nursery school. That’s enough time for a Law or a Medicine degree. That’s the average lifespan of a Zimbabwean dog (I mean hard maShona types by the way, those in the suburbs are foreign dogs). That’s the average lifespan of our bulls before my father starts craving Mazondo. F*ck. I’m hurt but Let Me Explain.

Do you know what disappointment feels like? F*ck pain, I’m talking about being let down by the person you expect to be there for you always. How do your picture your partner with someone else and this person expects forgiveness. Awungeke sbali! Nobody deserves to be cheated on. But then again some of you do!  That’s a story for another day, and I will tell it if you let me explain.

ININI