Who Am I is a story about African insecurities dawned by Modernisation rooted in background. It is based on the words of a fictional character named Mnaka. In the spirit of acceptance Mnaka creates a façade which tears at who she truly is and the her she has created – the new Mnaka.
Who Am I?
Who am I? I wonder if I can recognize myself if I look in the mirror. Voices in my head telling me to be myself but who exactly am I? I don’t think I can ever find a way back to my true self. Self -identity is what is lacking; I no longer think I can get back to what I was. It would be a journey to the unknown.
Who am I?… buried in the makeup, the tight dresses with half my ass out, artificial hair and nails so long like those used in Nigerian African movies by witches. I know right, all in the name of being a cool kid. It is such a shame, is all of this worth losing my identity for? I don’t know. The pain of trying to fit in, but I need this smokescreen, it boosts my confidence. Without the decoy I don’t believe I can stand on my own.
Gone are the days where my opinions and views were mine, now they are shadowed with modern day influence. The liberty of doing what I want is gradually fading, now the cool kid doctrines determine what I do and how I do it. I have incarcerated myself, all in the name of trying to fit in. Instead of enjoying my born free youthful days I am now constrained. Anything else will have me labelled as ‘that kid’ or uncool.
Drowned in my thoughts, my life just flashed in front of my eyes. I wrestled myself to recall my past but all am stuck with is a dark hovering cloud with no sign of my memories or reminiscence of true identity. Only in thoughts do I find an opportunity to reconnect with my true self but for me, my mind is blank and there is no recollection of who I am.
Who am I? Dilemma is the order of the day; I have lost my personal integrity just to fit in the ‘cool kid big league’. My insecurities have taken the best of me, I wonder if I can stand on my own anymore. I watch every day as my identity flushes down the drain all in the name of trying to fit in. The agony of fitting in!!
Who am I? A question that sucks the life out of me, shamefully I cannot answer with a straight face. I have lost my true identity, some it is simply arrogance, not knowing when to say it is enough but for me it is a sob story about a girl with no self- confidence and clouded by insecurities. The pain of trying to fit in!! Who am I?
Munashe Chakaonda
