I wish you were still here. I wish the last time we spoke didn’t seem so distant. I wish I knew how you were. A phone call seems too much to ask for at this point. I think of you every day, planning your movements in my head better than I do my own. “She’s probably doing this now, and now this.” Not even paying attention to the pile of reports on my desk. I wonder who is loving you now, and how they are treating you. I wonder if you think of me and all that we went through.
I wish you were still here, sitting on the passenger side as we drive to nowhere, with no fears, with no doubts. I wish the last time I saw you my heart didn’t skip a beat, reaffirming the hold you still have on me. I wish missing you wasn’t so painful. I wish kissing you wasn’t so memorable. I wish you were still here.
I wish you were still here, asking me for advice. I wish I could come to you with the problems I have no one else to tell. For when you left, I didn’t just lose you, I lost a best friend. I wish there was a way I could go back, undo the wrongs you perceived in me. I wish I was more, I wish I was less. I wish I was enough. I wish I was more than enough. All at once…
I wish for many things, many of which will never come true. But wherever you are, I hope you know I wish you well, and that I wish you were still here.
