Please marry people who agree with your background and principles. I cannot emphasize this enough. But again I adamantly repeat. Please marry people whose principles and background coincide with yours.
Yes, I hear some of you saying.
“But I want new experiences”
Those new experiences won’t sustain your marriage. It’s better to acquire those new experiences before you’re married and have another person getting on your nerves. Nothing facilitates stubbornness more than a relationship. It”s like once we are with a person we become rigid and obsessed with the other person accepting us as we are and seeing things our way. Marriage makes enemies out of friends and so if you want to see another side to life I suggest you do so before you make such a huge commitment.
If you are a man with a strict Christian background please don’t go and marry someone who comes from a liberal background. Sure maybe it could work for the two of you but when you marry you’re also marrying their family and they’re yours. Your better half will struggle to fit in with the in-laws and consequently, your kids will suffer too.
Based on my own upbringing I now know the importance of knowing these kinds of things. And I believe you should know them too. It’s never your job to try to change a person or even their principles. You can’t erase background and years of formed habits. Sure some people are very flexible and adjust well but that’s a rarity.
Today we see so many people divorcing after just a few months of marriage, or years if they’re lucky, and it’s because issues like that come up eventually. Marital bliss and sex will only take you so far. You discover he wants to go kumusha every month yet you have never been to yours. He listens to his mom more than he does to you, his relatives are always staying with you for long periods of time, he wants you to change the way you dress and act more like a “good wife”. You married her for beauty but now have issues with her inability to cook, she makes more than you and you grew up believing men should be providers. Issues! Issues! Issues! All of these issues come out and they can make and break a relationship.
I say date before you hop skip into marriage. This could be for two years or more. Looking for a mate is a lifelong decision which not only affects you but your children and relatives. Take your time to get to know each other, understand your principles and backgrounds and see if you’re compatible. It’s not a race. Marriage is already complicated enough, stop further complicating it.
Kumhanya sandiko kusvika ba!
