Let Me Explain: Letting Go

I owned a doll  when I was young. Don’t judge me! It was a miniature version a US Army Navy Officer. I was so attached to my doll I carried it around everywhere, well it was the only plaything I owned. The rest of my toys were either missing, in ICU or in the rubbish bin but my Navy Officer always stayed on point. He was the only survivor. I guess he really was a fighter! Sadly I grew up and a time came for me to let go and accept that I could no longer have him with me. I was now a grown up and toys are for children, so I was told. That was one of the most  heart wrenching moments in my life. What am I driving at with all this? Let me explain.

Like any other dumb teenage boy I had quite a squad when it came to girlfriends. I wanted to be cool. Trying to join the trend catalysed by peer pressure I found myself trying to juggle more than five conversations with girls who l thought that  were the one(s). But amongst all of them, one stood out. She owned a large chunk of my attention. In fact she slowly slid into the ‘main’ category.

One by one all other companions were cast aside. I had found the one. I was growing up and I needed a steady relationship. Awesome! I was having the time of my life. Like the Navy Officer, she was the survivor. She was the one who had captured my heart, tamed the young tiger and made him behave like a kitten. Cute isn’t it?! But that was until she broke my heart. I told you all about that and the way I felt, if you missed it , look for it here. I was now a grown up, I deserved more. Therefore like the Navy Officer I loved so much, I had to let go.

Letting go is the most painful part of the healing process. I still am broken, nothing has changed except for the fact that I now accept what happened and I am learning to let go.  Not being able to let go is like being a tobacco addict. You slowly kill yourself whilst assuring yourself that it  the best thing to do.

Love is a poison only a few of us survive from. I want to live. Let Me Explain and…F*ck love!

ININI