Death brings out the best and the worst in families.
This is a phrase you have probably heard or used time and again if you work in the world of end-of-life/grief and loss.
If you have been through a personal loss you’ve probably experienced it first hand. Working with patients and families at the end of life you do see the good – reconciliation of relationships that were on the outs, friends and extended family supporting each other in unimaginably selfless ways, and sharing memories at the darkest hours.
Though much could be written about the incredible ways we have seen “the best” play out during funerals, it is far more likely to agree that it is mostly “the worst” that stands out, especially in Christian families. So today we’re talking about the worst.
On Monday police in Johannesburg, South Africa had to be called to an ugly scene to diffuse a bitter battle between Pastor Xola Nzo of Change Bible Church and his deceased wife Lusanda’s family as emotions ran high over who had the right to bury her body.
Lusanda died last Tuesday at the Linksfield Hospital and the drama unfolded at Doves funeral parlour in Braamfontein in Johannesburg.
The cleric allegedly stormed the parlour fuming and demanded his wife’s body, whose family was hands-on preparing to take to Eastern Cape for burial this weekend.
Lusanda’s anguishing mother, Phumla Ntsunguzi, told a local tabloid SowetanLive that her daughter was deserted for over 18 months by the pastor.
“This man who claims to be a man of God ill-treated my daughter till her death; he chased her out and deserted her to live alone after she was diagnosed with cancer,” she said.
Ntsunguzi said her daughter’s wish was to be buried next to her father in the Eastern Cape.
“She was waiting to get better so they could process her divorce but sadly she died before she could finalise it.”
Lusanda’s younger sister, Nomi, said she was left to settle her sister’s hospital bill when a “deadbeat” Nzo was in truancy.
“He never visited her or even assisted with paying her medical bills. He went on like nothing was happening, living alone when my sister was in pain and going through operations,” Nomi said.
She also said after asking for her hand in marriage the pastor ordered Lusanda to resign from work to serve in the church as a pastor’s wife.
“But after she got sick even her allowance from the church was taken away from her by my brother-in-law. What does he preach in his church when he is a heartless man that has cheated on my sister since dating her from her varsity years?
I don’t care about the cars and property they had together, all I want is to honour her wish of being buried at home. All I want is for him to let us bury her, to [let her] rest in peace; she suffered enough.”
Meanwhile, Nzo family spokesperson pastor Sifiso Ngcobo said the family was deeply distressed by the dispute that has arisen about where and when Lusanda should be buried.
He said the family had initially agreed to his wife being buried in the Eastern Cape on Saturday but that the Ntsunguzi family made a unilateral decision to postpone the burial to the following week.
He said;
“In the event, our son has decided to assert his rights, as Lusanda’s legally wedded husband, on where and when she will be buried. It is a right he enjoys in law. We would have preferred for the matter not to reach this level but due to circumstances beyond our control, our son was compelled to take the decision he has [taken].”
Pastor Ngcobo also debunked Lusanda’s family claims of Pastor Nzo not taking responsilbity of his wife, saying the two lived together all the time she was sick and looked after her and paid her medical bills.
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