Dear SJ
My new boyfriend dropped one on me when he said that sex with only one person is “boring.” I’m no longer sure about this whole thing. Is it wise to continue?
– Third wheel
Dear ‘Third wheel’
Well, do you think that sex with the same person is boring? I doubt that you agree with him. If you agree, that means you will be in an open relationship. I doubt that I will ever support and promote open relationships. It is one thing to have a (hopefully safe) one-night stand with a hot stranger and it is another thing to have a relationship with a one night stand! Make that two, or three or several… Who knows what the hell “open relationship” means?
The HIV/AIDS infection rates of our Sub-Saharan countries indicate that safe sex is yet to be fully practiced. If you value your safety and good health, that alone should stop you cold.
I check a lot and I can promise you that I’m yet to hear of a multi-partner relationship that doesn’t have an avalanche of problems. As hard as dealing with one person is…! Would you get to sleep with other guys?
Would he be ok with it? Only for a while… I’ve just pointed you towards the relationship exit sign and the exit door below it. No, he didn’t drop one on you, he is asking for permission to do so! Most cheats actually drop one or two and bomb harder than the Manhattan Project in the art of home wrecking.
Dear SJ
I’m in a crisis over here SJ. I’m dating a girl same age as me and we have been together for 3 years. We argue a lot. If I’m wrong, I apologise but she cries so much and says I bring her pain. I no longer want to make her go through pain. When she is wrong she cries as well and still says I bring her pain! I’m at a loss as to what to do SJ. I just cannot bear to see my woman in tears.
– Crying out
Dear ‘Crying out’
Ag, shame man – I really feel your pain! If we were in a room full of men I’d ask those who cannot stand to see the tears of a woman to raise their hands up. You would see a lot of hands go up because many guys face this here situation. A loving guy in his right frame of mind cannot handle seeing his woman cry.
This is the problem that loving guys then face. When you are a loving guy and do things the right way – yes, there is a right way – a woman will use tears towards you, the wrong way. The reason why women cry a lot is that they have an affinity for unloving guys. Delusional, they use those tears, in character, internally praying so fucking hard to a non-existent god of good men behavior, hoping that he will change.
You say you apologise when you are in the wrong. Good. Does she apologise when she is in the wrong? You only said she cries. If she apologises, you would have said so. In fact, if she apologises, you wouldn’t have written to me because you wouldn’t be having this problem, to begin with!
Here is the deal playboy. You love your girlfriend. She loves you. However, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. The two of you are lovingly in an unloving relationship and the both of you don’t even know it!
The way human attraction is set up, there is a looot that you can’t possibly have told me in a quick text that has happened in those 3 years. There are two things involved here; (i) you are immature and she is mature or (ii) you are mature and she is immature. If you are as mature as I think you are, you have to end this relationship and move on or else you are going down the immaturity road she is in.
You can’t fix her (crying) character.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
