Dear SJ
I am a 22-year-old college student staying with my sister and her husband. I got to stay there since their house is closer to college a year ago. During our last semester break, my brother-in-law lost his job and started to spend more time at home. He started telling me about the problems he has with my sister. In comforting him, somehow one thing led to another and we had sex. We have done it so many times and my feelings for him are strong.
I, however, went through his phone one day and realised that he has another woman. On one hand, I’m torn and on another, I get so guilty about what he is doing to my sister. He gets angry when I confront him about all this and tells me we will figure things out when I finish college. My mind is all over the place and I can’t think straight.
– Caught up
Dear ‘Caught up’
Oh goodness, gracious! This is one hell of a tidy mess. I will always say that a boy and a girl cannot be friends. Many people don’t get it and I’ll tell you that it leads to such affairs. You are most certainly not the first younger-sister to be enamoured by a brother-in-law in life. Being college educated most certainly didn’t save you from this trap like many out there. However what you younger sisters have in common is that you betrayed your sisters.
Let’s cut to the chase – what you did is a betrayal to your sister.
Let’s say you have a younger sister yourself and she does the exact same to you. How would you react if you found out? I doubt you would be pleased. Here you are, you are the younger sister in question. Life situations lead us to stay with siblings, cousins and other relatives instead of our parents. That shouldn’t happen. White people realised these things a long time ago. The nuclear family is how it’s done. I’m sure you did your population studies in high school and I really hope you are not pregnant by your sister’s husband!
Cheating is just unacceptable in my book. There is no excuse for it.
You are cheating on your sister. Family first! Stranger danger!
I suggest you stop entertaining him. No sex for you young lady! Be polite to him and no more “comforting.” Put your feelings aside because, yes, you are cheating. Either way, your sister will find out. Instead of feeling guilty, start thinking of a good apology and beg for forgiveness when that happens. Your relationship with your sister will be different after that and that’s something you and your wider family will have to deal with. You are the cheat over here. Whatever scumbag shenanigans your brother-in-law is doing are his business.
Untangle yourself from him. He’s exposing all of you women in his circle to sexually transmitted infections. Your sister is most in trouble because she is none the wiser although I believe women can always tell when a man is cheating and choose to look the other way. Girl, this whole thing is really fucked up. I can only hope that you will be strong and pull yourself up through it.
Sonny Jermain is an award winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
