Dear SJ
I am a 23-year-old woman and I have this guy friend I have known for a few years. He has a good job, does everything for me and I mean everything. He brings me lunch to work, calls me, texts, buys airtime, buys birthday presents and even comes to my place when there are funerals or other functions. He knows my family and they know him too. He knows all my ex-boyfriends and even told me that my last ex wasn’t good enough for me.
Last year he hit on me and I turned him down because he’s just a friend. I try to push him away, be rude and nasty but he always comes back. What do I make of all of this?
– Complicated by a friendly boy.
Dear ‘Complicated by a friendly boy’
Props to the dude! He deserves an A+ for consistency. Gosh, you have put this guy in the friend zone for way too long. Come on now, you like him already. From your own description – and you had a lot of good things to say about him – this guy is husband material. He calls, texts, remembers birthdays, comforts you in need and so on. What more do you want from a man?
A boy and a girl can’t be ‘just friends’!
You were testing him all along and he passed – with flying colours. You now have to pass the buck back to him. This is the hard part – you will have to admit you were unsure and needed the time to figure out where his head was at. He may be annoyed. He may be relieved and I’m betting he will be relieved. Boys don’t understand what the friend zone is for and this guy sounds like he’s more than just a boy. Give it a shot.
Dear SJ
I keep dreaming about my ex-girlfriend lately and in my dreams, she will be asking for a baby-come-back thing. We broke up early last year. I have moved on and I am with a girl I love very much. I’m worried my ex may call me while I am with my current girl and mess things up. I am toying with the idea of finding her contacts and meeting her to clear things out. Should I or let sleeping dogs lie?
– Interpret my dream situation.
Dear ‘Interpret my dream situation’
People over think dreams. I am quite the dreamer and I actually don’t believe half the shit I dream about. The planet Neptune – responsible for dreamy tendencies – has quite the over active imagination. Pisces star signed people are the worst because of Neptune and they don’t even know it!
Living is for the living.
Are there things you actually need to clear? If no, then don’t. If yes, then tread with care and “clear things” without pushing for one thing to lead to another. Many people clear things up by going straight into the arms of an ex. Is there is something you did/didn’t do/said/didn’t say and are feeling guilty about? That might be it. Throwing bones is rather out dated.
Dear SJ:
I have a problem with my son’s father. We are broken up and I have to chase him around to get him to do his part for his child. He is erratic but has a decent job. Sometimes he will be on point and more often is not. The child is growing day by day and its needs are increasing. When he got me pregnant he already had a wife. She sometimes texts me telling me to stay away from her husband and I won’t even have a clue where she’s getting that from. I only see him when he comes to drop the baby’s supplies and that’s it.
– Fed up with my baby daddy.
Dear ‘Fed up with my baby daddy’
I believe this was an “oops pregnancy.” The guy was playing and you were not. Either way, you did know that he had a wife. Many women will claim they did not know that a man has a wife and yet the guys with wives are the ones they are most into. It’s The Other Woman syndrome. Women love it. You are The Other Woman.
I doubt you are being honest when you say his wife texts you and have no idea about his whereabouts. You are The Other Woman! On the times his wife is looking for him thinking he is with you, he is with The Other Women and you know it. She knows it too. A guy – The Fuck – with The Other Woman will have The Other Women as well and claim to be The Man with The Wife. The guy is ALWAYS surprised when pregnancies occur. Child support is “a foreign concept.” The women are ALWAYS surprised by each other. His other children are “bastards.” Diseases? “Oh well.”
You can take the legal route and drag him to court for maintenance. In human history, that’s the only known way to get a negligent man to support his child until the child turns 18.
Sonny Jermain is an award winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
