Dear SJ
My girlfriend is 18 and I am 21. We go to different churches and it has become a big problem because as of this year she changes churches a lot and always wants me to go along. She goes to every other Pentecostal every other day while I only have one church my family has traditionally always gone to. I know people are no longer into the old school churches but she barely has time for me lately because she is always at church! I am so exhausted and I’m just over this whole relationship but I love her.
– All churched out.
Dear ‘All churched out’
Love and religion have always clashed and I suppose it isn’t going away anytime soon. Actually, I support our pious clergymen (and women where possible) when they prescribe that their youth should hang out on their own in their denominations. As I always say, “attraction is attraction” and you can’t exactly let the hot stranger pass you by because they probably go to a different church from yours! Or maybe you should…
Love and religion are monumental cluster fucks that give preachers toothaches. One of the lovers has to convert or be dumped. It’s a straightforward black or white issue. It becomes more of conniving convincing than converting. That explains why you are feeling manipulated because you actually are being manipulated by your girlfriend. She is dealing with her own spiritual trial in life and is pulling you along.
If she doesn’t have time for you, now may be the time to pull back and consider quitting the relationship because that means something else is going on with her besides a spiritual trial. Have you ever invited her to your church brother-man? Connive and/or convert along! My mom made my dad join the Catholic Church late in life. You should have seen me rolling on the floor laughing the first time I saw my dad almost break his knee doing his best Men of St. Joseph genuflect! Look, I needed the laughter in case a hapless non-religious me was photographed ngihoqa (snoring) inside a church!
Where love and religion are concerned, women usually get their way. Black or white, the church is a big deal for women and rightfully, what a better way than to show up with a hot guy in tow at one of those get-togethers. Phathisa Nyathi once told me that it appears that our people go to church for public consumption. You may want to be a good sheep and date within your flock in future or else you will be the next star of a remake of The Silence of the Lambs movie. Beyond being “blessed” with nice bums & boobs/chests & arms, some people if you read the newspapers lately have behaved like wolves that need a strong rabies injection.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
