Dear SJ
I met a girl over the holidays and I think she is amazing. Or so I thought. Here is the problem – I recently found out that she dances at bars and is a prostitute. Is there a way to navigate this?
– Fuzzy feeling.
Dear ‘Fuzzy feeling’
When writing in, please do give me more information about your age/s and some of the story so that I have a wider appreciation of the issue at hand.
You mean she is a sex worker.
I take it you met at the bar over the holidays? Dating is never as random as it seems. You saw each other somewhere in a flash and now you are in a situation with this girl. Chris Rock says that every man that has a daughter has only one job – to prevent her from getting on the pole! Sex work is a hard profession.
Many women and sadly even young girls over the past few years have joined the sex work trade. That’s how tough the country has been. It takes major guts and serious deprivation for anyone to venture into sex work. As we all know, the HIV prevalence rate is at 14% of our population. Being with her comes with that risk. You cannot guarantee or mitigate that risk. That is entirely up to her.
As a gender-based violence (GBV) facilitator, sex work also comes with the risk of violence towards sex workers. All though, the money is supposedly “good,” I strongly doubt that it’s a job that makes a girl open the door to the house saying “Honey, I’m home!” Or make a man open his arms and say “Baby let’s make love tonight.”
Those are two major things you will have to deal with because you most certainly won’t be the first man to date a sex worker. Sex workers deserve love too for the obvious reason that she got into it out of self-deprivation. Mary J. Blige was a sex worker before the music. Change is possible. She found a good man to help her. If you can be a good man to her and get her into another profession, keep going. If you cannot, stop.
Dear SJ
I’m a 24-year-old guy and I had a sizzling romance with this girl for about 3 months last year. I tried to end things because my New Year’s resolution is to commit to my girl. She is threatening to tell my girlfriend and I don’t know what to do now.
– Help a brother out.
Dear ‘Help a brother out’
What can you do? This is a cheating mess. No sizzle. No romance. Please!
If she wants to tell your girlfriend, she might as well go ahead because you cannot stop her from doing so. Cheating tends to be a nearby thing. She knows your girlfriend or has a way of accessing her. Lie on your sword brother.
I can only hope that you used protection. Make good on your New Year’s resolution whatever outcome of this situation.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
