Dear SJ
I am a 23-year-old guy and I was at the bar. I noticed an older woman eyeing me and we kept at it until she came over to me. I offered to buy her a drink and then made a bet with her as to who could drink faster. She gulped down. After that, she leaned in to kiss me and I pulled away. She became upset and asked what was wrong. I thought we were just drinking and enjoying each other’s company. She picked her purse and left. I wasn’t interested in anything with her. Did I miss something?
– Guy in the club.
Dear ‘Guy in the club’
Maybe it is because I started reading the Gentleman’s Quarterly, the magazine you may know as GQ, when I was in high school…? Bar etiquette is something that anyone going inside a bar will have to know. This question is so popular and it’s something that people ask worldwide and yours is straight out of a rom-com movie.
Let’s start off with the simple SJ mantra; A boy and girl cannot be friends.
If a boy and a girl cannot be friends in general, imagine a boy and girl trying to be friends in the club?! With drinks flowing… With the boy betting on the girl to down the liquor… One thing from either direction will lead to another. Trust me, I had my fair share of bar spotting.
The eyeing was the mating call. One of you called it and one of you responded. I suppose since you are the younger one here, the lady gaga saw herself some boy toy. Admit it, you were flattered. If you were not interested in lady company that night, you shouldn’t have met her “call.”
Anyway, you did and next thing she came over to you. Admit it, you were flattered. If you were not interested in lady company that night, you should have excused yourself. Anyway, you didn’t. It was too late anyway. Then you offered to buy drinks… The two of you had drinks and to that point of a drinking challenge. The point was?
Her point was to get kissed. That’s why she leaned in. Perhaps her point was to spend the night with you. That’s why it is hard to find love at the club. The intention is most often that of a good night out with a hot stranger than life partnering. And all you wanted was a drink and ended up playing The Tease to a woman that thought you were The Fuck.
She was embarrassed that you didn’t want to make out after buying her the drink. The drink at the club, I guarantee you, is always complicated.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 71 387 2286. Follow @SonnyJermain.
