7 Signs You're Probably Dating a Fuckboy
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo
Blunt Philosophy

7 Signs You’re Probably Dating a Fvckboy

by Lee Chirambadare

They are literally everywhere!

Every turn you take, every profile you swipe every message you receive… they are there. Hiding in your phone, on the bridge close to your house, at the club where you and the girls hang out, in the church even! The fuck-boy epidemic is upon and if you’re not careful, you’ll run into one or three.

Urban dictionary describes them beautifully and I’m not trying to top that:

It sucks when you finally meet the love of your life only to have him be the Ginimbi level of fuckboy! So, here are some easy ways to spot a fuckboy, so you can get out before your dignity and your itty-bitty heart breaks.

1. He has more than two social media accounts

Girls. Truth is, real men generally don’t really care about social media. Well, all men generally like gossip here and there but if your man has Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat?

Nkazana, I hate to break it to you but y’all dating a fuckboy shem.

If his Instagram has more than ten sexy pictures, and if he immediately requests a follow on any of his social media sites, just leave him, unless of course, you really like having your heartbroken.

2. His statuses are all about Braai, Beer & him sitting in the driver’s seat of a (somebody’s) car.

Ladies, think back on all them fuckboy you dated and show me just one for whom this wasn’t true. It’s as if when auditioning for a fuckboy placement, this is a minimum requirement!

3. He is #beardgang

SMH. Way back you knew beard gang to be the madzibaba-types who were likely serious about life, about you and of course, their tea. But see your world is upside down now and one way to spot a fuckboy from a mile off is the beard gang hashtag on every other status he posts. Truth is, he is delicious looking and girrrrl does he smells good. Very good but don’t let it be said I didn’t warn you. If your person is too self-invested he sure as hell can’t pay your broken heart any mind!

4. The dreaded Fedora hat

OK…this one is not an exact science!
I don’t know about your experience. But in mine….. guys who love these hats are fuckboys without exception. They will wear a fedora, a shirt with three top buttons undone, jeans, some label belt and pointed shoes.
Is this the dress code yeku industry kwacho or…. Cause I dunno.

5. He asks for nudes

I mean, you are probably the sexiest girl he has ever laid eyes on(or so he says) and truth be told every guy really just wants to see the next girl in naked glory. What differentiates every other guy from your certifiable fuckboy is that he has the audacity to ask.
Ladies, you know I’m right. You also know if you access his hidden file manager, he has a whole goldmine of your nudes and those of many, many, many other girls.

Amen?

6. Anongoda kunogocha chete (All he wants to do is Braai)

Oh well! So maybe he has checked out and passed the lie detector test and you have decided to go with him on a date. He doesn’t even ask you where you wanna go because he knows just the place! He will go with you kuHuku, Mereki and those kinds of places. Don’t let these niggas lie to you. Women are being taken out to proper restaurants and hotels every other day Mnangagwa achitonga kusvika 2030. It’s the fuckboys who take you to ku-Huku places. Also, here’s an expert tip: the serving ladies know his name and his order before he places it.

Invest your heart at your own risk.

7. He doesn’t activate blue ticks

Let’s face it, we all have one or two zvipandes and there are many reasons why people don’t want people to see that they have read your message but this is especially true for fuckboys who will only ever reply with “oh sorry, Zesa” when they wanna hook up with you for another one nightstand. We are also not arguing on this one.

Now that this table has been shaken, tell us, are we right or are right?
Leave your comments below and share with your friends.

Death to clowning!

Categories
Blunt PhilosophyZIMBABWE
One Comment
  • Maposa
    7 October 2019 at 16:10
    Leave a Reply

    This is a load of bullshit

  • Leave a Reply

    *

    *

    *