#AskSJ: Friends with Benefits on Repeat?
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Ask SJ

#AskSJ: Friends with Benefits on Repeat?

Adapted from an online discussion:

So can’t we be friends, mistakenly have sex and keep repeating the mistake?  


The church must be frothing and foaming these days. It appears to me that chastity is but a concept that ended in the Victorian era. Why have one partner when you can have multiple? Why date when everyone is cheating?

The answer is very simple; so that you don’t become a pig!

This goes back to my Rule #1 that a boy and a girl cannot be friends. The boy will be lacking “that thing” to be more than just a friend. Mature women know exactly what that thing is. Like I always say, if a girl friend-zones a guy, it is to test if he can be more than just a friend.

With your senses functioning without any hindrance or intoxication, taking off your clothes for anyone can never be a mistake. Especially not repeatedly! The girl would need to talk and just admit that “Dude, we can’t be fucking so good and think we are just friends!” I mean, do we know of any friends that mistakenly have sex?

Attraction is attraction!


Dear SJ,

I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 21. He is very serious and we have been together for 4 years. I love him very much and he loves me too. He has introduced me to his family but I am scared to introduce him to mine with the age gap. How can I go about it? – Lover girl.


Dear ‘Lover girl’,

Ooh ohooh, a cradle snatcher is in the house!

I love it!

Big ups to him for having the guts to pursue you and keep this relationship for that long. A boy would have chickened away. Or done the pig thing. Women need to understand that what may look like a man is actually a boy if he does either chicken things or pig things. A chicken is always tip-toeing running off to nowhere. A pig is always chowing all the dirt in the hood and does not see anything wrong with it. Nobody trains us, boys, you see.

You have, I hope, a trained man.

Now you do the old school thing. Bring him home and actually say he is your friend. Girl, I take it you have never brought a boy home… This is only part where the elders and I accept a boy and girl claiming to be friends. The elders will be trying to be respectful of the fact that you – and him – are grown and have some form of intimacy.

The other reason why the elders accept a boy and a girl claiming to be friends – only at that stage – is that either of you doesn’t regularly bring persons of the opposite sex home. It doesn’t matter which sex you are. If you bring home different persons of the opposite sex every other day, clearly we would have a problem. That would mean that being a disgusting child is something that is accepted by the elders at home.

You, my dear, have the green light. You and this young brother are just fine in a world where very few people are. The elders will be watching – we always are watching – how he treats you. If you hear the elders say your lover is too young or too old for you, they would have seen the trash in your lover that you cannot see. If the elders outright say they like and don’t want you to date, someone, that is how horrible your lover will be.

Religion and colonialism fucked us up because we now listen to silly pastors and not our elders.

Take him home. 

Sonny Jermain is a 2017 award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on #ENTHUSE. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 71 387 2286. Follow @SonnyJermain.


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