#AskSJ: Can't Get Over My Ex
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Ask SJ

#AskSJ: Can’t Get Over My Ex

Dear SJ,

How does one fix a broken heart? It has been six months since I broke up with my ex but I can’t get over her. We were together for a year and she broke my heart in a really messed me up but I still dream about her even. It kills me to see her with another guy now. We don’t speak but have mutual friends. Her friend says I “dodged many bullets” but I would have fought through them for her. How do I move on?  – Heartbroken.


Dear ‘Heartbroken’,

I am so sorry for the loss. You sound like you really were in love. This will sound cliché and yet we all have broken up and couldn’t get over an ex. Trust me, eventually, you do get over an ex and you do move on. Part of why I do this column is because when I was a teenager, I read – reading is very important people – Sis’ Dolly in Drum Magazine where she’d say “when you lose the lover, you lose the friend.”

That changed my life!

Our lovers are great friends until they turn out to be bad lovers.

This means that they were not great friends anyway. Don’t ever fault yourself for someone’s bad behaviour in life. Ever! She broke your heart by whatever transgression she did. She is the one who behaved badly and her own friend says you dodged them bullets.

Trust her friend’s advice.

Catching grenades and bullets is a lovely and silly song ok. Don’t play that silly music game in real life.

Part of being grown means that you have to handle it, keep yourself classy and graceful when you encounter her since you have mutual friends. It’s hard but it has to be done. Be the mature one. That’s how you move on. You can ask the billions of people in this world, a better love always comes.

No, humans cannot fix broken hearts. We learn to live with it. Iyanla Vanzant says some relationships are only for a season while some are for a lifetime. Some reunite, most don’t. What I can tell you for sure is that all relationships are for a reason and this isn’t just in a Biblical sense. Two reasons are to grow and learn things about yourself. You could not have grown by yourself and you most certainly could not have learned things about yourself by yourself. 

Sonny Jermain is a 2017 award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on #ENTHSE. Send your anonymous questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 71 387 2286. Follow @SonnyJermain on Social. 

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