Ask SJ
Ask SJ

#AskSJ : She’s Been Cheating for Months

"Over the past festive season, I slept with my boyfriend's best friend."

Dear SJ,

Over the past festive season, I slept with my boyfriend’s best friend. It was a one-thing-led-to-another moment. He came over and my boyfriend wasn’t there. Our eyes locked and we just got it on! It’s been a couple of months now and I just can’t seem to stop this thing that we are doing. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly a year now. Where do I go from here?

– Guilty-not-guilty.


Dear ‘Guilty-not-guilty’,

Where is the shame? Shem! Cheating is a no-no in my book. I’m not changing that stance. How do you betray your boyfriend and not see yourself as being a problem? And with his friend at that! You planned it didn’t you? Just as well, he wanted it too!

I take it that the two of you are in a sizzling physical relationship and the fireworks are literally fire! Neither of you want to stop because you are continuing away…ya’ll are betraying each other’s loved one. When your boyfriend finds out, all hell is going to break loose! He will have to deal with a double betrayal by his friend and his girlfriend. That’s where you are going from here.

There’s very little I can help you with here. You are the cheat and as far as I’m concerned I’m yet to hear of a cheat that didn’t get caught. Brace your self for a crash landing. The bro’s will battle it out but bro’s usually band together after and you will be left to pick up the pieces without a boyfriend and without the sex toy friend of his.

Dear SJ,

I am a 23 year-old lady and I have been in a relationship with a guy a year older for a year. All we do is kiss and touch because I’m a virgin. He now is asking for sex and I’m not too sure about that. I love him very much and I don’t know what to do.

– Not ready


Dear ‘Not ready’,

Tricky situation you are in. Life experiences are best shared with someone who has a similar outlook and view of things to avoid relationship conflict like this. Is he a virgin himself? If not then you clearly will have a clash on relationship views about sex. While sex isn’t everything, sex is an important part of a relationship.

After a year of dating, he well is within reasonable mind of wanting to have sex with you. Since you are not ready, you have to have the talk with him and explain yourself. If you have any values about sex that you are holding on to, let him know about them.

With all the making out that you are doing, he is thinking that you may want to go all the way. I already am not a fan of the fact that you are a virgin and he may not because he will stray because of that. By not telling him how you feel about sex, he may see it as an excuse to have a sexual partner elsewhere.

Make sure you and your man are on the same page about important issues like this.

Ask SJ

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