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#AskSJ : Remember the 90-day Rule

"Although popularised by Steve Harvey in the 'Think like a Man' book and movies, it’s been there for ages. "

Dear readers,

With the ever increasing rate of relationships turn over, it is time to remind ourselves of the 90-day rule. Although popularised by Steve Harvey in the ‘Think like a Man’ book and movies, it’s been there for ages. When you start a new job anywhere in the world, they give you 3 months probation before giving you a contract as a general rule of thumb unless otherwise stated differently. That is so as to test whether you can actually do the job in 30-days x 3. The number 3 is a magic number.

When a new head of state comes in, the people scrutinize how the leader performs in that role for the first 100 days.

The 90-day rule applies in relationships as well because what you get from someone in that time is exactly what you get in the entire relationship. No matter what a person does, they cannot help but project and reflect who they are in 90 days. We tend to ignore the signs right there in the hope that a person will change. Let’s remember to get to know someone and what they are all about. Don’t forget the 3 laws of attraction: you cannot trick the universe, you get what you give and you attract what you are.

Dear SJ,

I’m a 20-year-old woman in college and dating a guy of the same age. I think he’s cheating on me. He always lies or at least his stories don’t make sense and I end up taking the blame. He always hides his phone because it constantly buzzes when we are together.

– Hurting.

Dear ‘Hurting’

He’s being The Tease. These types of guys are what women have had to deal with for centuries. When your needs are unmet in a relationship, please leave. You mention all the red flags – he’s shady with his phone and lies to you.

They way you are hurting probably means you love him deeply and it’s normal to feel that way. Don’t forget that you have to get out of this situationship. Nope, it’s no longer a relationship and it is but a situationship. Nope, it’s not complicated and it is all but a lie. Respect is something that you give yourself in life so that other people in the world can mirror it back to you.

Kick him to the curb. He does not respect you!

Sonny Jermain is an award winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on #ENTHUSE. Send questions to or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain on Twitter.


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