Let Me Explain: My President Is Gone
Ever since I was born I knew one name that stood beside the President of Zimbabwe. His image adorned every school that I was at and at any government office. He stoood over us, capped the lucky members of my community that found themselves in Universities. They were quite a few. However, he fell, on one fateful night.
It was a bit of an awkward night. Robert Mugabe had fallen! You can’t make that up.
Baba vaBellarmine. What kind of a shit ass name is that. Boss must have had a lifetime overhearing jokes about him. Vakomana veTriplife. The First Trap Crew in the country. The actual cause of skyrocketing Bronco prices.
I almost forgot their mother. Madzimai Grace! Mom of nightmares personified. Cable woman. Presidential Gucci. Wife of Mugabeeh. Kazembe Kazembe. The lady of the speeches. Lord have mercy on Bona’s child. Long holiday’s and shrieking ahead of her.
Chibaba baba. The real OG! Presidential goals. PHD in hurling insults at the west. Blamed everything on the west. Shopped west. Drank tea religiously. A devout Catholic. Copyrighted ‘Asante Sana’! Paragraph Jumper. Every greeting at an event sounded like Good Night to him. Robert Gabriel Mugabe.
I swear this is the funniest family I have ever seen. You can not make the Mugabe’s up, a political equivalent of the Kardashians minus sex tapes we do not know of. I adored these people at a certain point in my life. The family that had everybody’s lives in their hands. Literally.
Grace owned an opharnage, Chatunga got a girl beaten up, the inlaw was in charge of the airplanes and the father played Crazy 8 with the cabinet. They really had our lives in their hands.
Wherever he may be right now, please tell him that I miss him. I also really hope that my President my president is not sleeping on duty. Wait, he is now unemployed!