Dear SJ:
I was dating this fanatic church girl and she was way too preoccupied with her church errands and her 9-5 job. I feel the people at her work and church are slave driving her because she is the type of person who doesn’t speak out. Since the times were having been together, I believe she is the one for me. Even after we broke up and dating other girls after that, I still have feelings for her.
We recently reconnected online but the only thing that sets me in doubt is that her life revolves too much on external activities living little room for the relationship to grow. I am not sure I have the strength to be in such a predicament since it led to the collapse of the relationship in the first place. I really do love this girl and I don’t mind her working and being at church but it gets to a point where I feel neglected because she is always busy. What I am to do?
–Feeling neglected.
Dear ‘Feeling Neglected’
By your own account, she is a fanatic church girl. Church girls have a propensity to delusions of grandeur about reality. The fastest way for a man to set himself up for failure is to date a church girl or a virgin. It is even worse to actually marry a church girl or a virgin. Girls are under pressure to be “good Christian women” in the eyes of society in order to get the attention men. While all of that is “nice” to society that will beam and boast about the “good Christian girl,” when the time comes to be practical about life and the needs of a man need to be taken care of, things fall apart for Christian couples.
There is a lot that needs revision where love and religion is concerned.
Why do you still have feelings for someone who had no time for you? What was so lovable by her neglect then? What is so lovable by her neglect now? People who operate on “African time” have no place in my space. Maybe she has changed and grown up to give her the benefit of the doubt. Have a conversation with her about all the points you raised and find out what is really going on. A love interest that says they are “busy” without saying exactly what it is they are doing is not interested in building a relationship.
If someone is serious about a relationship, they make time. I call it the Making Time Theory. Its direct opposite is the Pushing Time Theory where someone is literally pushing time by being absent while claiming to be in a relationship to the world. It isn’t hard at all to tell whether someone is making time or pushing time with you.
Like my response to ‘All churched out’ last week, flock within the sheep that has similar interest to you to save headaches. If you are from one of the legacy churches which have weekend worship, date there because I’m well aware that new school churches have lots of activities 7 days a week. Otherwise, convert to her church because that’s most likely what she wants. Remember, she wants to be a good Christian woman and every good Christian woman wants to be with a good Christian man.
Dear SJ:
You are non-religious. How do you think we wake up every morning?
– Curious.
Dear ‘Curious’
By breathing in and out without having to think about it! A diaphragm, rib cage, expansion/contraction to sum up a biology class… I’m not a creationist. I simply do not believe in creation. Where did we come from? We don’t know. I’m not a Big Bang theorist. Are we alone? We don’t know either. As I have grown, I lean towards believing that indeed we are alone. No artistry, astronomy, astrology or ancestry has given us a clue about the big questions of life.
Sonny Jermain is an award winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to asksj@enthusemag.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.
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