We love Swaziland, ehem! The Kingdom of eSwatini, we love the Kingdom of eSwatini!
And because we do, we’re going to overlook the patriarchal obnoxiousness that is the Reed Dance and fast forward to potential wife number 16 for the great King Mswati III.
(Somewhat unsubstantiated) Reports have floated about the internet ‘announcing’ that the 50-year-old monarch can now legally obtain a virgin wife as young as 14 because get this…18-year-olds or older are in a “sorry state”.
If you didn’t already catch-onto the meaning of sorry state it means that these young adults have the audacity of not ‘saving’ themselves for the King.
“…the Parliamentarians unanimously agreed that King Mswati III should be allowed to navigate on new souls to keep him young since most girls start wearing out from the age of 15.
Whoa, that just went zero to ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’!
“It is clear that our King must marry a virgin. A King is not allowed to enter where other souls have entered according to our custom. It should be the King’s responsibility to break the virginity of a girl and no man should do it for him” Elder Muyoti explained.
Plot twist, maybe these young women are trying to ELIMINATE themselves from the equation?!
But then again, who would miss the great opportunity of being child-bearer and sex object number 16? Lest we forget Senteni Masango, the eighth wife of King Mswati III who overdosed over suspected mistreatment in the Royal Household.
We could get into the vulgarity of the idea of a whole parliamentary, House of Assembly discussing the virginity of teenagers in the Kingdom of eSwatini. We could discuss what would be an indicator of a high level of teenage sexual activity in a country with the highest HIV prevalence rate IN THE WORLD! We could also call this out as institutionalized rape.
But, we’ll just stop at, what the actual fuck guys?!
What the actual fuck?!!!
If this is in anyway true; King Mswati III, you are the last absolute African Monarch.
Please do us, the African people a favour and change the debaucherous, philandering and misogynistic painting of traditional African leadership by doing better. Please do better and tell your parliament to discuss stuff that matters like poverty, HIV/AIDS, condoms, Healthcare and your AMAZING scenery because that should be more important than you or anyone legally having sex with a child.