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Maid or Wife? You Can’t Have Both!

Maid or Wife? You Can't Have Both!
Energy is a limited resource for all genders. Yet a woman is expected to go to work, come back and cook, take care of the kids, make the home ‘homley’, then open her legs and give a good f#ck.

A few months ago, I read an article by one of my fellow writers that provoked a long ongoing debate. The piece, provocatively titled “Are MaSalad Babes Roora-akable? Can She Even Make Sadza?” fronted back and forth the idea was that women who can’t cook the staple food, Sadza, are not entitled to receiving the bride price.

I’d say then that this is, in a way, a response to that piece.

I just can’t maintain my silence and for the first time in months, I’ve provoked out of the dredges of a serious case of writer’s block.

First of all, is it a crime to be a woman? Is my role in society reduced to a slave or second-class citizen because I was born with a tuna taco? Is there some secret message written on it carrying the label, wife, maid, victim, passive, daughter-in-law, stupid? And is my ability to be deemed an excellent woman determined by how many things I tick off on this invisible checklist?

I hated being a girl when I was younger. I hated what I would have to become. But at some point I decided to be whatever I wanted to be and when my counterparts were giggling away and baking cookies, I was out on fishing trips, climbing trees and hanging out with the boys. And I can tell you that not much has changed. And baby, I am happy!

Of course, now that I’m lingering around that age when pairing off becomes a natural deviation, I’m meeting men that harbour these pathetic ideals. Cook for me! Clean for me! These pathetic grown-ass babies cry. I have it in my mind to beat the hell out of one. God knows my patience is running thin.

But that’s just me and what’s funny is that there are women who actually try to subscribe to this imposed way of life. And I wonder how these fellow women manage.

Energy is a limited resource for all genders. Yet a woman is expected to go to work, come back and cook, take care of the kids, make the home ‘homley’, then open her legs and give a good fuck.

No wonder most married women don’t have sex.

And yes, you men will threaten us and tell us that you’ll cheat if we don’t do it all. Guess what? I’ll tell you like this: in every woman’s life, a hero appears from time to time. He’s a man who you don’t have to cook or clean for. And the cherry on the cake? He’s actually nice. We all know how it goes after that.

So if you men think you cheating is devastating, just know we do it too (hahaha).

Ever wonder why most married women don’t make a fuss about their men’s dilly-dallying? We aren’t angels, by the way. Noone is that forgiving.

All in all, let’s just be nice to each other and bear each other’s weaknesses. If you’re a man and you find you have are more homley than your wife, then help her out and maintain the standards you grew up with. Some of us grew up in very casual homes where there were no formalities. A meal could be ravished with legs dangling off the couch and so on. I shouldn’t be punished for my upbringing and I’m very proud of it in fact.

If I marry a guy who’s more strict, he should bear the weight of the standard he wants to live by. It’s marriage and not war after all. And a home is made by two. Not society.

Anyway, I’ve said enough for one day. And when it comes to the choice of being a mama or a hoe, I think you know my preferences.

If you or anyone you know needs someone to talk to, email Valerie at chatindovalerie@gmail.com and get help.  

Valerie Tendai Chatindo

Valerie Tendai Chatindo is a biochemistry graduate from the University of Zimbabwe. She is also an entrepreneur and freelancer, writing for Enthuse Afrika's publications #enthuse, Hallelujah Magazine & Bhizimusi.com. Her articles “Big Brother Is Always Watching” and “Marriage-ability” have been featured in The Kalahari Review. Currently, she resides in Harare, Zimbabwe. In her spare time, she films a social documentary, SouthPark Harare, which addresses social issues in Southlea Park. You can find her on Twitter @tendy_vchatndo and read her blog tendyv.wordpress.com

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