Can We Toss Out The African Method of Marriage, Please!?
Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes
THE SOAPBOX

Can We Toss Out The African Method of Marriage, Please!?

In my short odd twenty-something years of life on this earth, I have managed to grasp a few truths.

Guys ALWAYS hate losing to girls, Chicken livers are always better spicy and the African Method of a union is a chauvinistic mess that holds women hostage.

When I think of all the married women I have met in my life they were hardly happy. It was always some sad story about a girl that fell in love with one guy and ended up spending the rest of her life with some other version of him. More than necessary you find these women put their joy aside by choosing to live for their children.

In worse cases, which are more common than you’d expect, mind you, these poor women either end up HIV positive or literally lose their minds because the African man couldn’t keep it in his pants or honour his vows, his own words.

As a young woman heading into a more adult-like relationship, it’s infuriating how I am suddenly expected to be faithful and have my man’s back yet, all he thinks about is him and what he wants and when he wants it.

I know of a woman who actually lost her mind over a philandering husband, an intelligent mathematician who lost it one day and never recovered. As if to add insult to injury, it seems as I don’t though the husband couldn’t care less.

If anything, it seems to have made his life easier!

The African culture teaches us, girls, to be “good” wives, to keep the home, the husband and kids cared for but who cares for us?

Who has my back and is faithful to me?

Who understands and appreciates my love and efforts?

Call me crazy or trying to be western but this deal stinks. These feelings of disapproval don’t come from a scorned heart or some sexist misguided agenda but from simple experience.

Any woman’s first ever great love is her father; that relationship defines how she relates to men forever, my father was definitely a unicorn. Yes, a unicorn the nicest person everyone loved him, he treated my mother with the love and respect I automatically search for today but probably will never find on account of the African method. Unfortunately for me, what I thought was a natural given is a utopia only realized by a few like my mother. 
As part of the upcoming generation, I have to say this whole marriage business is not worth it.

Is it wrong for a woman to actually be happy in our African culture? To have a marriage or relationship where she can trust the other person. Or if one finds themselves unhappy isn’t it only fair to release them from any and all obligations?

The African method to romance suggests that women don’t get tempted or approached by other contending suitors. But as a matter of fact, it is only out of respect and a little something called ‘self-restraint’ that we keep it together.

We are not animals!

I mean no disrespect to anyone but only offer an observation on the matter. Like I said I am well aware that there are few unicorns out there. Some real couples who mean what they say and say what they mean, who have each other’s backs, like for real!

To those guys that defy the African method, I salute you.

To those who ask what am I going to do about this decay in the African Method; I don’t know! I am barely in my twenties but one thing is for sure…

Marrying an African man is looking less and less appealing.

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