#AskSJ: Society Has Failed Boys
I’m fascinated by your theory “98% of a woman’s problems come from a man” from your video series #SJSays. May you please explain more?
– Old-fashioned dude.
Dear ‘Old-fashioned dude’
You are not the only one. I got a few comments about that. I would never finish discussing that one because there is just too much to talk about. The world has a masculinity problem and it has been having one for ages. If you follow this column, I once wrote that all human being born with a penis have a tick. I meant all men are crazy!
It takes a while for all boys to figure themselves out. In that process, boys leave a trail of destruction. Literally, rug rats of destruction boys all over the world. Crazy boys then call women crazy. If you ask all the single mothers out there, they will tell you that the fathers of their children called them crazy and bounced off.
Even where a father is present, children are treated differently between the sexes. It’s all about socialisation. Girls are predominantly socialized to be responsible people while boys are predominantly expected to figure it out along the way.
People are not aware how society has failed the boy child.
Toxic masculinity didn’t evolve from anywhere. Boys are raised to rot and be toxic. Then, the same boys meet each other and contaminate each other more. The boys meet girls and it becomes pollution galore. That is how I came to realise that there are 3 types of guys – The Tease, The Fuck and The Man. If you are as old-fashioned as you sign off, think about which stage you are at right now. There isn’t a girl in the world that is looking to being teased by a guy. There isn’t a girl in the world – in her right frame of mind – that wants to date or show her parents a fuck boy.
So where are The Men? Why are there so many single mothers? Why are there so many children who don’t know their fathers? Even where fathers are present, why are there so many children who don’t like or even hate their fathers? These are The Tease and The Fuck boys, pretending, to be The Men, simply because of a biological function that allows facial hair growth!
I’ll tell you this and it is something that Jesus missed because he was human after all. To begin with, what causes a prodigal son, is a prodigal father. It is very rare to hear of a prodigal daughter. It takes hundreds of years to fix prodigality in the lineages of human beings born with a penis, particularly cis-gender males. That is just one explanation towards the behaviours of all despicable men of history.
I am a 26-year old guy and my girl is 21. We met in college and I am now working but I study part-time as well. Although I work long hours, I make time for our relationship but it seems as if I doing this alone. She doesn’t make time for me and barely replies my texts. She can be online on WhatsApp and I’ll get “blue-ticked.” When I get angry and ask why she doesn’t reply she apologises and we smooth things over. This, however, keeps happening over and over. I really love her and when we are together we are great but this thing that when we are not together she is difficult to communicate with bothers me a lot. I’m now confused. Does she love me?
– Wondering love.
Dear ‘Wondering love’
I doubt she loves you.
The inconsistency between when she’s with you and when she’s not is a big problem. A person should put more work into when they are not there. We need to learn to stop rewarding people who don’t put an effort in relationships. You are serious and it seems like she is not. Blue-ticking is annoying to everyone and that’s not a nice way of showing someone you love them.
Trust your instinct – you are doing this alone. That you’ve left college and she is still there means that there is some sort of lifestyle mismatch between you two. She’s finding herself and you, on the other hand, have had a few things figured out. You have done college, you have a job and you are pursuing further education. To me, it seems like you are moving at a rate that is above her understanding. It’s not her fault. She just isn’t there yet. We have to admit that sometimes the people we fall in love with are not up to the level you thought they were when you met.
You keep doing you. You are doing it very well and 26 is a great age. She is a little immature for you. You have to realise that or else you are playing Tom and Jerry. By your own words, she doesn’t make time for you. That’s bad for relationship making. Communication is critical because if she is not communicating with you and by blue-ticking you, she clearly is communicating with somebody else. That’s not your fault. You cannot control what someone does with their phone. I hope you can move on and find a woman who can help you do what is evident to me in that you are trying to better yourself.
Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to email@example.com or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.