Ask SJ

#AskSJ: Battle of the Sexes Continues


Dear SJ

I can’t seem to be getting it right with girls man. These girls ain’t loyal SJ. No matter how much you try to please them they just complain and whine about everything. These girls are demanding from money to hair and dates. And then they cheat. Bob Marley was right when he said No Woman, No Cry! Why don’t I just cheat and be a player?
– What to do?


Dear ‘What to do’

The power struggle between lovers rages on. Love is work and people don’t like to work. I know – men feel like giving up these days. Women have been feeling the exact same way for hundreds of years you know… Women most certainly have turned the tables this century.

Cheat and be a player? Nope. I’d never allowed that. Permission to be a player denied my guy.

It’s not that you are not getting it right. You are trying your best. Often, our best in relationships take a while to find the right person to appreciate it. We are all trying our best. These girls ain’t loyal simply because guys haven’t been loyal for centuries. Seems it is payback time. And besides, that’s just a song. Songwriters lie. Why should girls be loyal? Assuming that the song refers to all the girls Chris Brown was creeping with; he, in fact, was the disloyal one.

Men have taught women to be disloyal.

As for Bob Marley, I’ve heard boys and men of all ages and through the ages quote that line in reference to their women problems. What many are not aware of is that the song is actually about hardships black women face and is a promise that things will get better. In Jamaican Patois, the mumbling of reggae-ton speech actually meant “No woman, don’t cry.” Again, pesky songwriters…! The noble profession of writing allows writers to use dramatic license to push content. Who would buy a record called No Woman, Don’t Cry?

Patience is a virtue in finding the right one – The One. Your energies have to match. If you are with someone who “complains and whines” “about everything,” leave them. Some people just don’t want to be loved right you know. It’s called immaturity. Keep doing right. Eventually, you will catch the right one.


Dear SJ

Dude, you left us hanging about WhatsApp and relationships the other time. How do I go about it and maintain sanity in my relationship?
– What’s App dilemma?


Dear ‘Whats App dilemma’

It’s very simple. Don’t use WhatsApp as a social network. People always say their WA is boring when they don’t have a litter of infidelity chatter birds buzzing on their phones. Don’t date someone who doesn’t have a life. We can’t be sustaining relationships over the air unless your lover is out of town! Read a nonfiction book. Join a community group or an NGO – volunteer somewhere! Surely we can all see that there is a lot of work to be done as black people for our civil societies.

There are 2 types of lives everyone has; a personal life and a professional life.

People in your personal life should be listed on your phone on a first name or cute personal name basis. People in your professional life should be listed on full names and surnames or professional name basis. Don’t be saving Rumbidzai-from-the-office as “Rumbie” on your phone! That’s too cute for my liking. And don’t be chatting with Rumbidzai -from-the-office after hours, please… Read a book! Or better yet, go spend actual face time with your lover instead.

Sonny Jermain is an award-winning public health, maternal, sexual and reproductive health rights facilitator and a traditional psychic. This column appears Thursdays on Enthuse. Send questions to or WhatsApp +263 77 274 8454. Follow @SonnyJermain.


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