On the eve of Zimbabwe’s historical lurch into history-making, Nigerian novelist Elnathan John on Twitter tapped into his ever so popular and award-winning satire and made a thread which he titled… “a script/thread a summary of the Hollywood movie based on the 2017 Zimbabwe coup.”
Naturally at this point we had the popcorn out, adjusted the brightness on our screens and dug in…
And because we know you love things, we ignored the cliches and laid the script out so you could read the script summary in story form. PS: We do not own any of this content and its Copyright lies with it’s author Elnathan John.
Ok people, dear #Zimbabwe watchers, Africa experts, coup experts, and esp Hollywood producers! I have a script for “Sunset in Harare” or “The Last Emperor of Zimbabwe”. Please find in this thread a summary of the Hollywood movie based on the 2017 Zimbabwe coup. ©Elnathan John 2017.
— Elnathan John (@elnathan_john) November 17, 2017
Sunset in Harare / The Last Emperor of Zimbabwe
by Elnathan John
Movie begins with trouble in a 93 year old President Robert Mugabe’s (Forest Whittaker’s) paradise. Forest Whittaker is about to be deposed by the army chief (use random SA actor because minor role) because he Whittaker wants to make his wife Sophie Okonedo Vice President.
Meanwhile, in London, ace but loner journalist Kate Winslet is sent as punishment for always going head to head with editors in London office of BBC, to cover coup in Zimbabwe. She initially doesn’t care much for Africa and when she is almost sent away at the airport……she is almost relieved that she doesn’t have to cover what she thinks is a boring coup anyway. *drum rolls*
Cut to badass ex smuggler of Zimbabwean gold to European markets, and ex Rhodesian hustler Leonardo DiCaprio. He has connects at the airport from his smuggling days. In an awkward Rhodesian/Afrikaans/Dutch/Hollywood mishmash accent, DiCaprio comes around the counter and tells her he can help her. He is trying to leave country himself to SA because he doesn’t want to be around for the coup in case his friends get arrested. Kate Winslet doesn’t want help. She wants to go back to London. DiCaprio calls her stubborn. Gives her his small Jack Daniels whiskey bottle. She is stressed.
“I didn’t know I go could get this here,” she says, taking a swig.
“I have connects,” he says. “Even for fresh lobster”.
Anyway, before she gets put on a plane back to London, she makes a deal with DiCaprio. I will call (or WhatsApp) my editors and tell them I will go into the belly of the beast if you agree to show me around. DiCaprio is trapped.
“You’re crazy.” he says. “Ok, but I don’t like journos!”
Lupita Nyong’o a die hard Zimbabwean activist and journalist who has gotten arrested several times for reporting on the Mugabe family…sorry Whittaker family is Kate Winslet’s stringer. Brave woman.
Kate Winslet learns there is more to this coup. Generals are smuggling Zimbabwean minerals. DiCaprio grudgingly gives her the scoop after one night of drunken sex which they both agree was a bad idea
(Of course Lupita doesn’t have sex in the movie: she needs to remain a strong activist!)
Suddenly Kate Winslet is falling in love with this, her hardship post. But now her editors tell her she can return: (Her father, Anthony Hopkins, an old journalist himself and retired senior editor at the BBC called some favours).
But shit- Lupita teaches her how to eat sadza.
Also, now Winslet and DiCaprio keep shagging even though they swear they are not going to. This shagging gives DiCaprio a conscience suddenly and he thinks:
“Ok, I can help save a country I helped destroy. I’ll help you Kate. Together we can save Rhodesia. Sorry I mean Zimbabwe.”
Then, Lupita has a son from a failed relationship many years ago and has sworn off men. She hopes he doesn’t become like his father who is an alcoholic former civil servant who once had hopes and dreams. Kate Winslet teaches the kid about London and tells him he can be anything. One day in bed, after sex, after DiCaprio begins telling her (what writer Katherine Heiny describes as) “come facts” : the role of the army chief in smuggling and sustaining Forest Whittaker’s dictatorship. Winslet also hints that she wishes she could take Lupita’s son to London.
Anyway, Kate Winslet delivers this long piece which the BBC won’t publish – editors completely hate her now and she is on her own – and she plans to sell the piece to The Atlantic. She has to leave Zimbabwe because her life is in danger but not before she gets proof of smuggling.
Djimon Hounsou works as the head of a killer squad for the army chief and comes to kill DiCaprio. DiCaprio is able to get Winslet out of the country safe but not before getting a bullet wound. While she is in the air, he WhatsApps her as he bleeds to death…
“I never felt love for anyone in 15 years,” he types, adding emojis. “But with you, and I hate to admit it, I felt something. Finally my life has meaning. Good night beautiful. We did something great here. Tell the world our story.” More emojis. He dies.
Kate Winslet lands London. Sees her WhatsApp at the airport. Calls DiCaprio. Becomes hysterical. Her boyfriend is dead. Anyway, it ends with her getting visas and asylum applications for Both Lupita and her son (played by Abraham Attah of Beasts of No Nation)
Yes I know Abraham Attah has a Ghanaian accent but it is an African movie, and white people won’t notice. Kate Winslet wins a Pulitzer Prize for her story which was published in The Atlantic.
Closing scene:
Winslet with Lupita and her son in a park in London. Winslet is pregnant.
